Thanks for your interest in my Relationship Bill of Rights. Feel free to pass it on to anyone who could use a reminder (It’s definitely not just for teens!)

In friendship,
Annie

Wonderful words of wisdom for tweens, teens and adults too. Your guidelines here are extremely useful in dealing with some most difficult or embarrassing moments or situations. You should print this up on little pocket sized cards and send them out. They would be welcome in so many places. How many school counselors would like a stack of cards with your “Relationship Bill of Rights”!

I’ve noticed a lot of parents also tell their kids that they have the right to love who they love, yet assume in their heads that the kid will love someone of the opposite sex, someone of the same race, etc. I think it’s important for parents presenting this list to examine their own internalized prejudices as well. It hurts a lot and really damages trust when you’re a teen and your parent says \we’ll love you no matter what\ and then doesn’t really follow through on that.

Some people think you should be able to say \no\ but that after a certain point sex just has to happen. Or that \well no you don’t HAVE to but if you don’t I’ll be concerned there’s something wrong with you.\ Or something. I think it’s important that parents make sure they believe in these things before handing it off to their teens.

I think the urge to live vicariously through a child’s popularity can be dangerous and should also be examined. It can put undue pressure on a kid to \make the boys want her\ or \be a hit with the ladies\ even if the child is not interested in being the player/school hottie/what-have-you or is even gay or asexual.

Also these rules talk about dodging pressure from friends but what about from bullies? Also, what about from parents? Those both seem important to me.

It’s also important to teach both boys and girls about sexual harassment at this age because it really flares up in middle school.

Lastly, while you were saying purity pledges might not make sense, it’s important to make sure you are honest about your expectations with your child. When do YOU think it’s appropriate for people to think about sex? What kind of relationship do you think it’s safe in and WHY? If expectations aren’t clear some kids will either just do things without thinking about their own feelings OR be so terrified that they feel guilty for even thinking about sex ever. It’s also important to tell (specifically girls) that they have a right to say “no” to one-sided favors. A lot of times at my middle school kids weren’t having “sex.” Girls were giving favors to prove themselves to guys. That sounds sick, but it is a reality in a lot of places. It’s important to teach girls that giving oral sex isn’t just a less scary alternative to having sex to keep your boyfriend, but that HAVING to do a sexual favor (especially one that is one-sided) to keep a boyfriend or to stay “ahead” of other romantic options the boy has isn’t okay. Girls and boys should both learn that they should not be objectified and have a right to be treated with respect. I guess an expanded version of what’s already there.

This post was mentioned on Twitter by annie_fox: @LindaCulbreth #Teen girls (and guys) need to know the #Relationship Bill of Rights http://bit.ly/yyQGu...