Hey Annie,

I’m 13 years old and recently I called this girl a two-faced slag. I did it to cheer my friend. But them my friend went ahead, and told the girl what I said. She got made and made up a rumour that I don’t wear any underwear. Now everyone in school teases me and says “Ewwww” I only have one true friend. What to do with this girl?

Milly

Hi Milly,

Let’s take a look at what you did to contribute to this situation you’re in:You talked trash about this girl to cheer up your “friend”… that was Mistake #1. Surely you could have thought of a better way to cheer up a friend w/o back biting someone else, right?

You ask “What do I do with this girl?”
Here’s my answer: Apologize to the girl for what you said about her. Tell her you’re sorry. Either she’ll accept your apology or she won’t, but apologizing is the right thing to do.
As for the rumor… there’s nothing you can do to UN-DO what she said about you that is now being repeated around the school.
Here are your choices…
1) Continue to get all upset every time someone at school looks at you and says “Ewwww”
2) Get angry and make up a worse rumor about the girl who started it
3) Realize that this girl and these other people are being cruel. I get that it hurts, but don’t let them bring you down.
4) Stick with your “one true friend” and know that it will get better as soon as people get bored with this silly rumor. If it doesn’t get better, talk with the school principal, counselor and/or your parents. (seriously) What they’re doing isn’t OK.

HINT: 2 of these choices are good ones. 2 are not at all helpful.
Which 2 do you choose?

In friendship,
Terra

The girls who have “dragged you” into this are jealous. I’m guessing they’re imagining you as someone who is living a social life that they wish they had. Likewise, they may also be a bit bored (some people find it endless entertaining to invent juicy gossip and toss it around to their friends.) I’m also thinking that some of them are accusing you of things they themselves are secretly “guilty of”… By that I mean being “boy-crazy” or “a flirt.”

The most frustrating thing about rumors is that you don’t have a whole lot of control over what people say about you, what people think about you (after they hear this garbage) or how much longer this stuff is going to be floating around stressing you out and damaging your reputation. You just can’t (on your own) clear the air of these stink bombs.

So what can you do? You can continue to make good choices in your life. Hold your head up high and try to recognize that people can only take away your self-esteem if you hand it over to them.
No way should you stop chatting with your guy friend! It sounds like the connection you have with him is positive and you shouldn’t have to give that up to try to please anyone else. (Cutting off the relationship with him isn’t going to stop the rumors any way. )

As for the girl who gossiped about you and Tweeted about you in hurtful ways, you need to talk to her. She needs to know that what she did was not OK. By doing that you lost respect for her and she damaged the friendship. Tell her also that she can earn that respect back by personally telling each person she spread these lies to, that what she said isn’t true. If she does that, then she might be able to turn some of this negative stuff into something positive.

I hope this helps.

In friendship,
Annie

There’s this boy who people know likes me and we chat online sometimes on the weekends. But people are saying that I like him back (when I don’t, I just want to be friends). Some girl even told her mom about my friends and I. Her mom started gossiping about our ‘reputations’ with our close family friend who eventually told my grandmother about it.

I feel like my cousin and I got dragged into this because one of our other close friends is literally over-eager when it comes to boys, she always comes up to us and talks to us about it, but we don’t know how to tell her that we don’t want to talk about boys anymore. I feel like I was honestly dragged into this because people know I have an admirer who I have chatted with, but I’ve told people I’m not interested in a relationship when they ask me if I like him.

How can they believe that I am boy-crazy or a flirt? I’ve never chatted with a boy for more than 30 minutes and I am uncomfortable with the idea of flirting with a boy. I follow my chatting curfew and I have rules that state that I’m not chat with a boy unless he starts it, and that I should say goodbye when my 30 minutes are up or if i’m not interested in chatting anymore. I’m uptight about boy situations. So why are people assuming the worst about me and my cousin?

What do I do Annie? Do I stop chatting with my guy friend? Do I stop being friends with the girl who gossiped and even TWEETED about me and my friends (but she deleted it). How do I handle this? Is it possible to clear up the rumours at all? We don’t even talk about boys in public anymore (we did it thrice and that was the end of it).

sincerely,
Hurt

First, I want you to stay away from Facebook or any online social media site where you are reading the garbage that people are posting about you. If it’s coming to you in text messages, STOP READING THOSE MESSAGES and stop responding to them. That’s going to make you feel better.

Next, and this is equally important… You need to talk to your parents. I know you may not want to, but you must. You kissed a boy. That’s not a crime. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. Tell them the truth and tell them about these awful rumors. I’m guessing that you know who is spread them. Tell your parents what you know. Have them go to the school and have a private meeting with the school principal. What these people are doing is harassment. And it’s not only wrong but it’s against the law. That’s right… there are laws in every state to protect students from bullying and cyberbullying (spreading lies online).

I know that turning to your parents for help may not be easy for you…. but what you’re going through isn’t easy either. And getting your parents involved so they can get the school involved is the ONLY WAY this cruelty is going to be stopped.

Please talk to your parents. And if you think it would help, show them my blog, your comment and my reply.

Usually a person who is your friend doesn’t spread rumors, get other people against you and then act like everything is cool. Because she’s doing all of this I understand why you’re “Confused”. Here’s my suggestion, don’t pretend that “everything is OK” because that’s not how you’re feeling. Take the honest, mature, direct approach and talk to her. That means privately and face-to-face. When you’re with her (just you and her… no audience), calmly and respectfully ask her to help you understand what happened with the rumors and all the rest of it. Then close your mouth and LISTEN to what she has to say. It could lead to a really good conversation that will help you understand each other better and strengthen the friendship. It might also backfire if she’s not willing to talk about her part of all of this. if that happens, don’t get into a fight with her. Simply say, “OK” and walk away. Do NOT talk to other people about her… just take a vacation from the friendship and spend more time with people you can count on.

I hope this helps!
In friendship,
Annie