I’m with this guy for like 6 months, he’s my first boyfriend and my big love ( even if he’s not my first I fell in love with)… I have a real problem, I’m jealous of his past. He lived so much with his ex and I want this relation to work out the best, but I don’t know if he thinks the same. How can I get over this jealousy? It’s driving me crazy! – Jealousy Sucks
Dear Jealousy Sucks –
It sure does! But you don’t have to let jealousy control you or your relationships.
You can’t change your boyfriend’s relationship history: who he has been with, how they felt about each other, and what they did. That’s over. Done. Same with your past crushes. (Yes, I’m talking about the first person you fell in love with.)
The only place we can live is right now. If we’re not here, we’re no where at all. (Think about that the next time you space out imagining your guy with his ex.)
Look, either this relationship is what you and this guy both want now or it isn’t. If it turns out the relationship doesn’t last, for whatever reason, then so be it. Take what you learned into your next relationship and do better. But if you can not “get over” your jealousy, then you will be equally jealous of the next guy’s ex or exes.
So what’s in the way of your just saying to yourself, “He is with me now because he loves me. That’s all that matters.”?
How do you kick jealousy to the curb? Sometimes it takes help. If you’ve got a school counselor, you might want to pop in and talk to him or her about how to deal with jealousy. You might also check out some library books about the subject (there are plenty!). Or have a look at this article I wrote. One thing is for sure, doing nothing, is probably not going to help. If you let your jealousy ruin this relationship and you don’t figure out a healthy way to deal with these feelings, the same mistrust and jealousy will likely mess up your next relationship. You don’t want that! So work on this. You can do it.
Good luck! I hope this helps.
Annie (aka Terra)