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October 24, 2013
 Watch where you step. Watch what you toss. I know a school where broken glass is a serious problem. Kids there freely toss it in classrooms and hallways, in the lunchroom and on the playground. Where do they get it? It’s everywhere for the taking and every day there’s more. The students at this school keep their pockets full so whenever they feel the urge, they lob sharp fragments at other students. When the glass hits the mark it pierces and often sticks. The fallen shards are left for others to step on.
Does it hurt the hands of the kids who throw the glass? Sure, but it’s worth a little pain because in this school it’s cool to make other people suffer. Pumps up the glass throwers and makes them feel powerful. And if all of this weren’t appalling enough, in this school kids are required to walk around barefoot. You heard correctly. No protection allowed for those tender little soles. If you visited, you’d see kids limping around with bloody feet and hands.
Not a place you’d ever send your child, I’m sure.
So where is this school? Maybe you’re guessing it’s in that state. The place where parents have no common sense nor the time/inclination to teach their kids to be good people. If you guessed “Not my state,” you’d be wrong. Actually, this glass-filled school is in your state. In fact, it’s the school your child attends.
(Excuse me while I cover my ears to mute the screams of: “You’re wrong, Annie! My child’s school does not have broken glass anywhere! Every corner of our school is safe.”
OK, you got me. There’s no actual broken glass lying around any school I know. I just made up the glass thing as a not-so-subtle metaphor for the teasing, rumors, harassment, and general peer-to-peer meanness found in every school.
So… now that we know what we’re talking about and we’re willing to admit that yes, there is some broken glass in our school, what are we doing about it? How might teaching our kids my glass metaphor change their attitudes and behavior? Try it and let me know what happens. The way I figure it, it’s worth the effort to protect their tender souls.
October 23, 2013
 I seriously need a friend. Kids and teens can view of themselves as powerless in a world where adults call all the shots. But that’s not the whole story. Kids have power. And every day, your children and mine get opportunities to use that power to do good or to do harm. Sometimes, turning a blind eye and choosing to do nothing results in more harm.
If we, truly value kindness and appreciate it when it comes our way, we can’t ignore suffering. We’ve got to do our part to keep kindness alive… every chance we get. And we’ve got to teach our kids to be kind. But how?
Child or adult, it takes extra social courage to exit our comfort zone and to help a vulnerable person. When kids ask me about standing up for someone who is being harassed, I tell them they should never put themselves directly in harm’s way. But I make it clear that there are many ways to help an underdog and let him or her know: “I’m not like the others who are giving you a hard time. I’m here to help.”
Fuel for Thought (for adults) —At different times we have all been underdog, top dog, and middle of the pack dog, so we know what it feels in each of those places. Being on the bottom, without support, can be terribly lonely. Think about a time when you felt like an underdog. Where did you turn for support? What response did you get? Think of a time when you helped an underdog. What happened?
Conversations That Count (with kids)– Talk about the concept of a “pecking order” amongst animals and humans. Say this to your children: “Most of the time, when we’re not on the bottom, we don’t give much thought to those who are.” Now ask your kids what they think about that. True? Not true? How do you know? Talk about who is “on the bottom” in your child’s class. (Even kids as young as second or third grade have a keen awareness of social strata.) How do other people treat that child? How do you treat that child? What might happen if you stood up for the underdog?
Teach—Challenge your child to be a hero and shake up the social strata at school by standing up for someone who needs a friend. Follow up and find out from your child what happened with the challenge.
Please let me know how you teach your kids about the importance of standing up for the underdog.
October 22, 2013
This Real World Parenting Assignment is excerpted from my book, Teaching Kids to Be Good People. You can read another excerpt from it right here.
 Let me give you a hand Knowing What’s Needed (so you can be as helpful as possible)
Parenting and teaching are both highly nuanced arts. Being a good person also requires nuance, which is usually learned in the family. When we take a nuanced approach to helping people, by thoughtfully expressing our perspective, observing, asking questions, listening, understanding, and acting with compassion, we are more likely to be of real service to others.
Fuel for Thought—Sometimes our best intentions miss the mark and only make things worse. Sometimes we don’t take time to assess what’s really needed, or we make assumptions and end up not being helpful at all. Recall a time when someone’s well-meaning response actually made you feel worse. Recall a time when a compassionate, nuanced response was helpful.
Conversations That Count—Talk with your child about the way some people react more intensely than others. Maybe you or someone in your family is like this. Let your child know that this tendency may be part of our in-born temperament and it isn’t necessarily a good thing or a bad thing. If your child typically gets very upset when things aren’t going well, ask, “When you’re feeling that way, how would you like other people to respond so we can help you?” Listen to his/her answer and take note. Conversely, if someone else in the family is easily upset, ask your child, “At those times, how might we be more helpful to _____?”
Teach—Make a family agreement to try harder to understand each other when we are upset. Get into the habit of observing what’s going on and focusing on being truly helpful. Instead of making assumptions, let’s agree to ask each other, “What can I do to help?” Sometimes, the most helpful response is to hang in there with love and compassion.
October 21, 2013
My friend, filmmaker Tiffany Shlain, has created another cultural fog-buster in Technology Sabbath. In six minutes she sounds an alarm and gently nudges us to unplug and create time for the people we love and the non-tech activities that make us whole.
Inspired, I stayed offline from Friday evening til Sunday morning. No email, Twitter, FB. No IMDB, Wiki, Yelp. And absolutely no regrets. So what did I do for 36 hours without the Internet?! I did not climb walls, turn into Super Bitch, nor eat massive amounts of chocolate. Instead…
Early Saturday morning, after bagels and blueberry smoothies, David and I romped with The Pupster through the wet grass at the beautiful park over the hill. From there, we headed south to Puppy Training Class. Then up, up and up to Mt. Tam, for a hike through redwoods high above the bay. In the evening we met up for dinner with our lovely son and daughter-in-law, and her awesome parents.
And in between? While David worked and The Pupster sacked out in the sun? I crawled through a portal of my own devising, out of the 21st century and into a timeless time. And there I stayed for who knows how long, content simply to observe and draw an apple.
I started with this:
 Simply beautiful. Beautifully simple.
Expressed it as this:
 Gala Time Unplugged by Annie Fox Then, like a guiless Black Widow, I devoured my model:
 Delicious sweetness And still, this remnant of a remnant continued to draw me into itself:
 Trapped potential And hold me there:
 Power unlocked Until what remained was:
 All that's needed to start anew Enjoy your week, my friends. Be kind and respectful to yourself. Take the time you need to be outside of time.
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