June, 2014 | Annie Fox's Blog

Making peace this summer with your teens

June 30, 2014

Give peace a chance

In addition to raising young adults who chew with mouth closed, pick up after themselves, and return library books on time, the gold ring of this parenting gig (after the “under the same roof” phase ends) is a healthy relationship with your adult kids. I’ve been a mom for 34 years and believe me, that’s what you’re after. But how do you get there from here? It can be a hard slog. Especially if you’re currently the parent of a tween or teen and already clocking in way too much time yelling and mis-communicating. It’s stressful enough when they’re in school most of the day, but now it’s summer and said t(w)een may be hanging out under said roof. Result? More time for fault-finding on both sides. yippee. But it doesn’t have to be this way. You can be the change-agent your parent-teen dynamic needs. Here’s how…

Parenting plan for getting along better with your t(w)een

1. Sit down and ask your child: What would you like me to do less of this summer? Make the question sincere and make it safe for your child to answer honestly. Whatever he or she says, stay calm and do not get defensive. This conversation has the potential of greatly improving your relationship.

2. Take what you’ve heard to heart. If you want to teach your kids to be respectful of others you must treat their feelings and thoughts with respect. If you need a clarification, ask for it. “You say you want me to nag less? Gee, I don’t think I nag at all. Please give me an example of what you mean, sweetie.”

3. Work together to address the request. After you understand your child’s request, see what new ways you can come up with to lessen the unwanted behavior (e.g.. nagging). Relationships are a two-way street. If there is a ‘nagger’ there must also be a “nagging-inducer.” Explore both sides of all issues.

4. Monitor your progress. Once you’ve identified a problem and strategized a solution check in with each other periodically to see how you’re feeling about the changes. Praise where praise is due. Make modifications when needed.

5. Reverse the flow. It’s a two-way street, remember? So give yourself a chance to tell your t(w)een something you’d like less of from him or her. Follow the rest of the steps and see how it goes.

Good luck! I hope this helps you and your family this summer.

Filed under: Parenting,Tips — Tags: communication skills, conflict resolution, family meetings, parent-teen relationships, Raising teens, tween — Annie @ 8:41 pm

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An appointment with the Teen Doc

June 23, 2014

I’ve always been images-1 drawn to people who help people… especially if those they help are kids. Dr. O (aka @TheTeenDoc) is the medical doctor at the head of Teen Clinic in South San Francisco. For that alone she has my deep admiration and respect. In addition to prescribing treatment for the body she also administers to the heart and soul of her young patients. For this she has won a place in my heart’s Heroes Gallery.

I connected with Dr. O on Twitter. Two minutes into our conversation I knew I wanted her as a guest on my Family Confidential podcast.

Two weeks ago we talked for 20 minutes about her work. We shared personal experiences and insights about kids and mentors. We also laughed a lot. I’m grateful to have recorded this conversation and proud to share it here. Listen to Dr. O talk about how she uses empathy to connect with the kids in her clinic. You’ll be glad you did because her words and ways will inspire to do the same with the kids in your life.

Filed under: Family Confidential,Parenting,Podcast,Teens — Tags: Dr. O, Family confidential, Teen Clinic, Teen medicine, The Teen Doc — Annie @ 2:57 pm

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Apps schmapps! Where’s the educational value?

June 18, 2014

We’re having so much fun, we’re learning without thinking about it

I was an app developer before there were apps. Back in the dumb-phone age I designed and scripted CD ROM games for kids. I’m also a teacher. So I want activities to have some… you know, redeeming value. Otherwise, why waste a child’s time? They’ve got so many connections to make between themselves and people and the natural world. They’ve got to learn to navigate, explore their interests. They also need to find their passions and develop the skills to pursue them.

Sounds like serious work, but I’m no tiger mom. I laugh a lot. I need to play. Kids need that too. And just like any child, when I’m learning, I have to feel engaged. So who gets to decide what engages children while they learn? Parents? Teachers? Or… Read on….

Filed under: Parenting — Tags: apps for kids, education, educational apps — Annie @ 9:34 am

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From Harold and the Purple Crayon to Caine’s Arcade

June 13, 2014

Imagination inspiration

In 1955, when Harold and the Purple Crayon was first published, lots of kids (including me and my brothers) sat too long on their fannies in front of the television set. Maybe author Crockett Johnson had some TV addicted kids of his own. So he wrote a story about a little boy who creates a big adventure using only an oversized crayon and his imagination? 1950’s parents made it a best seller, hoping it would inspire their kids to unplug from the screen and be creative! The book is still in print and 21st century parents are still hoping the same.

Summer should give kids a break from prescribed learning and an invitation to use their imagination. Instead, they often settle into a predictable routine of screen time. As an app developer I know there are loads of creative apps for kids, but often the most creative playtime involves no tech. Ask Harold and his 21st century real-life counterpart… Caine.

Cardboard+Imagination= Infinite possibilities+FUN

A couple of summers ago Caine went to work each day with his dad who owns a used auto parts shop in East Los Angeles. There wasn’t much for Caine to do, but there were plenty of cardboard boxes. So Caine decided to use his imagination and his hands to create his own fun. Watch Caine’s Arcade with your kids (a 10 minute film) and check out my Family Confidential podcast this week: Imagination Rocks and learn about the Global Cardboard Challenge. Then talk about how your family can make this your most creative summer ever.