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July 13, 2009
 "Over It: A Teen's Guide to Getting Beyond Obsessions with Food and Weight" Several times a week I receive an email from a desperate 12-16 year old girl who’s having issues about her weight. No, let me rephrase that. Her issue isn’t with the number on the bathroom scale. The issue is how she feels about herself. Typically the girl who writes to me hates her body and the way she looks. Then the whole guilt by associate thing sets in and next thing you know… the girl hates herself!
Here are some recent examples:
I’m a junior in high school and let me just start by saying: being a junior sucks. It’s not just the year itself but me that seems to be the problem. Then there’s the whole body image thing. I know I should be happy with what I’ve got and blah blah blah but I still wish I could get out of the training bra section. It’s so awful having friends tell me that they wish they didn’t develop and I should be happy that I’m flat as a board at 16.
Or this one:
I know that I need to lose 10-15 pounds because I’m 5’3″ and weigh about 130. I think that is too high. All my family members say that I’m a little overweight and I am embarrassed every time they talk to me about it. Maybe I don’t need to lose that much but I still need to lose some.
Or this:
I’m very perplexed. I think I’m fat when everyone tells me I’m not. I’m bulimic but no one knows. How do I stop? Because every time I do try to stop I feel guilty and I become worse. I’m 12 years old and I weigh 75 pounds. I still think I’m fat.
Should we be surprised that these girls are so unhappy with themselves and so out of synch with reality? Considering that they’re growing up in a thin-obsessed culture, it would probably be way more surprising if they didn’tfeel this way! So what’s been going on with American girls and women since the early ‘60’s that causes this crippling dissatisfaction with our looks? What does the steady rise in eating disorders (which now includes boys and men) say about our society and our values? And how do we get over it already and help our daughters and sons do the same?
In this week’s podcast* I talk with Carol Normandi and Laurelee Roark co-authors of “Over It: A Teen’s Guide to Getting Beyond Obsessions with Food and Weight.” We talk about the effects of media and pop culture on the body image, healthy and well-being of our tweens and teens. And what parents can do to fight back.
Have a listen here:
[QUICKTIME http://www.anniefox.com/podcast/FC006.m4a 300 300 false true]
If you have iTunes, you can subscribe to this podcast in the iTunes Store.
Or, you can download an MP3 version here.
Upcoming guests include:
Robert Rummel-Hudson, author of Schuyler’s Monster: A Father’s Journey With His Wordless Daughter
Wednesday Martin, author of Stepmonster: A New Look At Why Stepmothers Think, Feel And Act The Way We Do
Ayelet Waldman, author of Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, And Occasional Moments of Grace
Izzy Rose, author of The Package Deal: My (not-so) Glamorous Transition from Single Gal to Instant Mom
Diane E. Levin, co-author (with Jean Kilbourne) of So Sexy So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood And What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids
Special thanks to our friend and musician/composer Curt Siffert who let us use his song, “Tie Down for the Storm” for the opening of this podcast.
*What’s a podcast? “A podcast is a series of digital media files, usually either digital audio or video, that is made available for download via web syndication.” — Wikipedia… So, in this case, there’s an audio file for you to listen to (in addition to reading the above).
June 14, 2009
 "You Want Me to do What? Journaling for Caregivers" by B. Lynn Goodwin The parent-child relationship is, by definition, totally lopsided, with parents doing most of the giving (and forgiving) and kids doing most of the getting (and forgetting). Which is exactly how it’s supposed to be. We are wired to give to our children our all. And our kids are wired to take whatever they need.
But what happens when our own parents need parenting?
My dad died of a sudden massive heart attack when I was 15. At the time, I was away at summer camp. There wasn’t a damn thing I could have done. But to this day, I still wish I’d been there for him.
Decades later, my mom offered me plenty of opportunity to help while she slowly died of ALS, (Lou Gehrig’s disease)… and I was there for her.
Switching roles and becoming my mom’s caregiver, provided some of the most loving, grace-filled times of my life. Those ten months, between her diagnosis and her death, were also the most emotionally draining, anxiety-ridden days I’ve ever known. And I am grateful for every minute. That experience transformed our relationship and me along with it. Both for good.
If you’re lucky enough to still have parents, may you have many more joyful years together. But medical miracles notwithstanding, at some point, it’s likely they will need you in ways you can not imagine.
In this week’s podcast* I talk with Lynn Goodwin, teacher, editor, former caregiver and author of “You Want Me to do What? Journaling for Caregivers”. We talk from the heart about processing the stress of caring for aging parents and celebrating what’s right.
Have a listen here:
[QUICKTIME http://www.anniefox.com/podcast/FC005.m4a 300 300 false true]
If you have iTunes, you can subscribe to this podcast in the iTunes Store.
Or, you can download an MP3 version here.
Upcoming guest authors include:
Subscribe to Family Confidential and tune in each time!
Special thanks to our friend and musician/composer Curt Siffert who let us use his song, “Ignorant Meadow” for the opening of this podcast.
*What’s a podcast? “A podcast is a series of digital media files, usually either digital audio or video, that is made available for download via web syndication.” — Wikipedia… So, in this case, there’s an audio file for you to listen to (in addition to reading the above).
May 25, 2009
 "Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken" by Mike Robbins When my son was in grade school he never wore bright colors but he liked all kinds of t-shirts. When he started 6th grade the only tees he’d ever wear were blank white ones (the kind Haines sells in packages of three). When I asked him about it he launched into a detailed description of the school’s social hierarchy and where he fit in. (A notch above the losers.) Losers wore whatever they wanted because they were invisible and lacked social aspirations. Popular kids wore whatever they wanted and instantly spawned new trends. The rest of the kids (95% of the class) were very cautious with their wardrobe choices. From my son’s perspective, wearing a plain white tee was a low risk move. All he could afford to make. As he patiently explained, “I’m not cool enough to be different.” In other words, he wasn’t confident enough to be himself.
You expect insecurity from tweens and teens. “Do I look OK?” “When am I going to learn to keep my big mouth shut?” “Did anyone just notice what I did?” But many adults still work overtime keeping our ‘unacceptable’ selves in check. We wait at the corner forever looking both ways before we make an assertive move. In doing so, not only are we holding ourselves back from truly enjoying our lives and relationships, we’re also missing in action when it comes to showing our kids how a self-assured authentic adult operates.
I’ve been thinking about this stuff for a long time. That’s why I was drawn to Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken: Transform Your Life with the Power of Authenticity by Mike Robbins. In this week’s Family Confidential podcast, Mike and I talk about removing the barriers to being ourselves so we can be better people and better parents.
Have a listen here:
[QUICKTIME http://www.anniefox.com/podcast/FC004.m4a 300 300 false true]
If you have iTunes, you can subscribe to this podcast in the iTunes Store.
Or, you can download an MP3 version here.
Upcoming guest authors include:
Subscribe to Family Confidential and tune in each time!
*What’s a podcast? “A podcast is a series of digital media files, usually either digital audio or video, that is made available for download via web syndication.” — Wikipedia… So, in this case, there’s an audio file for you to listen to (in addition to reading the above).
May 10, 2009
 Author Joan Ryan About five years ago my son and I were restocking the woodpile under our front deck when someone else’s son wiped out on his skateboard in front of the house. We didn’t see the kid go down, but we heard his concerned friend yelling, “You OK, Ryan?” (No response.) “Ryan?!” I ran out to the street and saw a sturdy-looking 13 year old sprawled on the road, not moving.
On the ride to the emergency room the boy told me his name was Ryan Tompkins and his arm hurt a lot. I waited with him at Marin General until his mom arrived. When she walked toward me, I had that weird feeling that I knew her. Actually I didn’t, but I’d seen her picture over breakfast every morning. Ryan’s mom is Joan Ryan, long-time columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle.
 "The Water Giver" by Joan Ryan Ryan was wearing a helmet and he was fine after his spill, but turns out he had another skateboard accident in 2006 (no helmet that time). His traumatic brain injury is at the heart of Joan Ryan’s new book, The Water Giver: the story of a mother, a son, and their second chance.
In this week’s Family Confidential podcast, Joan and I meet again to talk about getting beyond focusing on our kids’ problems and what needs to be fixed, to setting up Parenting Camp on new ground… the place where we accept, no celebrate our children for exactly who they are.
Have a listen here:
[QUICKTIME http://www.anniefox.com/podcast/FC003.m4a 300 300 false true]
If you have iTunes, you can subscribe to this podcast in the iTunes Store.
Or, you can download an MP3 version here.
Upcoming guest authors include:
Subscribe to Family Confidential and tune in each time!
*What’s a podcast? “A podcast is a series of digital media files, usually either digital audio or video, that is made available for download via web syndication.” — Wikipedia… So, in this case, there’s an audio file for you to listen to (in addition to reading the above).
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