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April 27, 2009
 This week's featured book For a family to run smoothly, it has to be a team. Otherwise we become a PSA for Chaos Theory. To establish and support common goals and to achieve them, every team needs a clear leader. Does your family have one? Is the person calling the shots one parent, both parents, or one of the kids? In this week’s Family Confidential podcast, I chat with Jamie Woolf, author of Mom-in-Chief: How Wisdom from the Workplace Can Save Your Family from Chaos. In her book and her workshops and conference appearances for Working Mother Magazine, Jamie lays out her “best practices” for enjoying more success at home and at work. She does this by providing valuable insights along with in-the-trenches-strategies for taking the skills working moms learn at the office and using them to become the parent leader your kids need.
Have a listen here:
[QUICKTIME http://www.anniefox.com/podcast/FC002.m4a 300 300 false true]
If you have iTunes, you can subscribe to this podcast in the iTunes Store.
Or, you can download an MP3 version here.
Upcoming guest authors include:
I’ll also be hosting future discussions about: Last Child in the Woods and The Blessing of a Skinned Knee
Subscribe to Family Confidential and tune in each time!
*What’s a podcast? “A podcast is a series of digital media files, usually either digital audio or video, that is made available for download via web syndication.” — Wikipedia… So, in this case, there’s an audio file for you to listen to (in addition to reading the above).
April 19, 2009
 I’m very excited to announce the launch of Family Confidential: Secrets of Successful Parenting, my new regular podcast series. Hosted by me and produced by Electric Eggplant, Family Confidential brings you practical parenting advice through recorded in-depth conversations with authors, educators and therapists. If you’re a parent of a tween or teen, this series is for you. It’s also for you if you work with middle or high school students. In fact, you can become a part of the series by sending in your parenting questions. I’ll address them on the show. These dynamic and personal discussions help strengthen family connections by providing tips, insights and practical tools for guiding your kids through middle school and beyond. FamilyConfidential.com
This week’s show, “The Gift of Confidence.” As parents, we all want our kids to succeed, and we want them to grow up up to be self-confident. But sometimes what we say we want is at odds with some of our parenting choices. Especially when it comes to doing what’s really necessary to help our children grow toward independence and self-reliance. In this podcast I talk with Joe Bruzzese M.A., author of “A Parents’ Guide to the Middle School Years.” Joe’s book and his ongoing work as a parent coach offer practical advice for building confidence in your child.
Listen here (QuickTime required):
[QUICKTIME http://www.anniefox.com/podcast/FC001.m4a 300 300 false true]
If you have iTunes, you can subscribe to this podcast in the iTunes Store.
Or, you can download an MP3 version here.
Upcoming guest authors include:
Subscribe to Family Confidential and tune in each time!
*What’s a podcast? “A podcast is a series of digital media files, usually either digital audio or video, that is made available for download via web syndication.” — Wikipedia… So, in this case, there’s an audio file for you to listen to (in addition to reading the above).
March 31, 2009
If it were for real you’d probably have gotten instructions. You might have even had a chance to study. Sorry. Quiz time.
What would you do if you discovered that your child was a drug addict?
a) Never stop trying to fix the problem
b) Blame yourself for causing it
c) Grab the bait of hope again and again
d) Worry yourself into a brain aneurysm
If you’re David Sheff, author of Beautiful Boy – a father’s journey through his son’s addiction, you’d answer e) all of the above.
As Sheff meticulously chronicles his nightmare the truth is unavoidable – his son Nic’s addiction ravaged them both. While Nic uses – which he does with great regularity except for when in treatment – fear, worry, and guilt overwhelm Dad. He lives a shadow life. Unable to fully enjoy his relationship with his loving and supportive second wife and their cute little kids. Not for lack of trying. The problem: “A parent is only as happy as his unhappiest child.” Nic Sheff, is an addict. There are no happy addicts.
This is no easy read – which is why I’m blogging about it rather than reviewing it for my Parent Forum Bookshelf. Unlike those others, this book doesn’t have much in the way of parenting tips. Not that Sheff didn’t do his homework. My God did he ever! It’s just that when it comes to addiction science and treatment there’s so much that’s unknown. And the bits that are known often conflict with other bits. Anyone seeking help for a loved one is bound to be confused, overwhelmed, and wondering what the hell they’re supposed to do.
I didn’t enjoy this book, but I couldn’t stop reading it. Like, Dad, I was hanging in there for the happy ending. Spoiler ahead!
There isn’t one. Only Sheff’s epiphany: “My children will live with or without me. It is a staggering realization for a parent, but one that ultimately frees us to let our children grow up.”
It also allows us to create a life separate from theirs. Our love for them and yes, for ourselves, demands it.
February 15, 2009
 Fuzzy about love and relationships February 15th… the morning after the day every single single in this much married land is plagued with the thought “No date! I’m such a loser!” Of course from my perspective as an online advisor, the urge to merge is pretty much a year-round thing. So is the general cluelessness regarding what healthy relationships are all about. And it’s skewing younger all the time. Take these two oh so typical emails the likes of which I receive several times a week:
“Any guy I crush over does not feel the same about me. They always have a reason why I’m not ‘the one.’ I need help! What can I do to get guys to like me???” – 6th grader in love
And this one:
“I’m a 14 old guy and I’m still a single (?!) Many of my friends are in a relationship and I really wanted one of my own. How can I make myself comfortable when being around girls, especially the one I have a crush on?? It seems that I’m always nervous and I tend to force something that I’ll regret (because I’m always excited whenever I talk to the girl I like and I don’t want them to realize that I’m an annoying person and even a stalker)!!”
Tweens and teens are under way too much pressure to couple up. Put that on top of (or underlying) the stress they already feel to make the grade academically, athletically and in the friends department and it’s easy to see why the “solutions” 11-14 year olds come up with for their Boyfriend/Girlfriend challenges aren’t the most carefully thought out ideas.
None of us would dream of handing over the car keys to an unschooled young driver, because they’re unsafe at any speed. A danger to themselves and others. But what schooling are we giving our tweens and teens about the road trip into relationships? I know all about the take-away messages they get from friends and pop culture. But what values and skills are we parents giving them in terms of dating and relating?
We hear the word relationship and we think sex. Middle school kids hear it and think the same. And that’s a big part of the problem! The focus is all wrong. The result? A whole lot of ignorance about what really matters in a relationship – mutual respect, trust, honesty, open communication and shared values. So they swerve, skid, careen out of control, and crack up time and time again. Experience is a great teacher, but are they actually building any positive relationship skills? Based on the questions they email me, I’m guessing, not a whole bunch.
We need to change this. They need us to educate them because what they don’t know can and does hurt them. It hurts others too.
To learn more about the cosequences of fuzzy relationship smarts, check out my review of Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both by Laura Sessions Stepp.
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