Parenting | Annie Fox's Blog - Part 103 Annie Fox's Blog

Thank you, Susan Boyle

April 15, 2009

It happened Saturday night. Though I didn’t get wind of it until today when Eileen’s email pointed me to YouTube. Usually she sends videos of grateful whales being cut loose from fishing nets. Last month it was a hugging wall. Eileen’s got a big heart so she’s into that stuff. She also knows I’m a sucker. Invite me into the We Are All One Zone and I’m so there, heart crowding my tonsils, eyes brimming over, smiling like a fool at the screen.

Sure I’m on a deadline, but when Eileen sent her most recent bait, I bit. Don’t ever want to get too busy to feel good for a minute. That’s what I expected. What I didn’t expect was a transcendent experience on the level of Cosmic Unity and Universal Compassion. I kid you not. It was… but wait. Let me shut up for a minute so you can take it in for yourself:

Susan Boyle singing on Britain's Got Talent

OK, now you’ve seen it. So what the hell happened in that auditorium? Why did those 4,000 people plus the rest of us change our minds so dramatically? We were all convinced that Susan Boyle was worthy of ridicule. How did her voice instantly turn a cynical crowd into a single beating heart that couldn’t contain itself with joy, love, encouragement and yes, gratitude?

I’m thinking that you’ve probably got a theory. Love to hear it. In the meantime, here’s mine: We look at that plain woman’s frizzy gray hair, bushy eyebrows, double chin and our assumptions kick in. We roll our eyes and feel giddy at the expectation that we’d see Simon Cowell eviscerate her. But with the first note of her song all snarky resistance vanishes. Instead we actually see Susan Boyle standing there. And we see ourselves. She singing about our longing. Our dreams and disappointments. We open to her radiant true nature and to our own. There is no other option. She is us. We get it. Thanks, Susan.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to watch that video again.

Filed under: Parenting,Pop Culture — Tags: Britain's Got Talent, I've Dreamed a Dream, Les Miserables, Simon Cowell, Susan Boyle, Youtube — Annie @ 8:06 pm

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For Parents: Sometimes we hum because there are no words

April 6, 2009

Some TLC and plenty of sugar

Lying in the driveway, not far from the paper, a hummingbird rested, flapped, then rested again. I’d seen this before. A bird mistakes a window reflection of the Great Beyond for the real thing and breaks his neck. But this one didn’t seem fatally injured. Maybe he was just seeing stars and would soon zip off. That’s what happened when I once extracted a hummingbird from our cat’s mouth. Sure, it was stunned (they both were), but then WHIZZZ… bye bye birdie.

But this one didn’t file a revised flight plan, so I brought him inside to show David (Correction: I woke David up then showed him.) After figuring out what the hell I was holding under his nose, David suggested I leave Hum on the front deck. “Cause if he takes off in the house we’ll never catch him.” Good thinking!

I put Hum in a planter box, certain he’d soon fly away or give up the ghost. When I returned an hour later, Hum had opted to stay put and stay alive. But his vital signs were weak. So David the Idea Man, now wide awake, suggested I give Hum some sugar water.

Dipping my little finger I offered a single drop. But my pinky looks nothing like a flower, so he wasn’t interested. 5 minutes of continuing to offer a drop suspended from my finger, Hum thinks, “Not my usual fare, but this lady’s trying awfully hard… so… what the hell?” Out darts his teeny tongue and he’s lapping the water! YES!

For the next 2 hours David and I take turns feeding Hum who gets stronger and stronger. It’s incredible!! (Who says there’s no nutrition in sugary drinks?!)

We ended up taking the little guy to Wild Care, a wildlife hospital in San Rafael where there’s a vet who actually specializes in treating injured hummingbirds! Hum turned out to be an Allen’s hummingbird and is now Patient #3258. (In case you’re wondering, we weren’t charged for his treatment… Turns out he was covered on our policy.)

The good folks at Wild Care told us we can call back in a few days and find out how he’s doing. And if Hum recovers, we can participate in the release back into the wild from whence he came (AKA our garden). What a good thing that will be, since he probably has family in the neighborhood who will be happy to welcome him home.

Enjoy our 27 second YouTube video!

UPDATE: 48 hours later I call Wild Care to see how Hum’s doing. He’s still alive, and in “foster care.” I’ll let you know what’s up when I find out more.

UPDATE 2: We just got word that 72 hours after rescuing Hum he decided it was time to leave his body. No doubt he’s now flying free where there are no obstacles. Go Hum!

Filed under: Parenting — Tags: Hummingbird, sugar water, wildlife rescue — Annie @ 5:09 pm

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For Parents: This is only a test

March 31, 2009

If it were for real you’d probably have gotten instructions. You might have even had a chance to study. Sorry. Quiz time.

What would you do if you discovered that your child was a drug addict?

a) Never stop trying to fix the problem

b) Blame yourself for causing it

c) Grab the bait of hope again and again

d) Worry yourself into a brain aneurysm

If you’re David Sheff, author of Beautiful Boy – a father’s journey through his son’s addiction, you’d answer e) all of the above.

As Sheff meticulously chronicles his nightmare the truth is unavoidable – his son Nic’s addiction ravaged them both. While Nic uses – which he does with great regularity except for when in treatment – fear, worry, and guilt overwhelm Dad. He lives a shadow life. Unable to fully enjoy his relationship with his loving and supportive second wife and their cute little kids. Not for lack of trying. The problem: “A parent is only as happy as his unhappiest child.” Nic Sheff, is an addict. There are no happy addicts.

This is no easy read – which is why I’m blogging about it rather than reviewing it for my Parent Forum Bookshelf. Unlike those others, this book doesn’t have much in the way of parenting tips. Not that Sheff didn’t do his homework. My God did he ever! It’s just that when it comes to addiction science and treatment there’s so much that’s unknown. And the bits that are known often conflict with other bits. Anyone seeking help for a loved one is bound to be confused, overwhelmed, and wondering what the hell they’re supposed to do.

I didn’t enjoy this book, but I couldn’t stop reading it. Like, Dad, I was hanging in there for the happy ending. Spoiler ahead!

There isn’t one. Only Sheff’s epiphany: “My children will live with or without me. It is a staggering realization for a parent, but one that ultimately frees us to let our children grow up.”

It also allows us to create a life separate from theirs. Our love for them and yes, for ourselves, demands it.

Filed under: Bookshelf,Parenting,Parenting Books — Tags: addiction, Beautiful Boy, David Sheff, meth, methamphetamine, Nic Sheff — Annie @ 4:53 pm

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For Parents: Meet them where they sit

March 26, 2009

Spider-Man to the Rescue (AFP)

I like a nice bowl of oatmeal along with my morning paper. I also like good news whenever possible. Mostly I just get the oatmeal with a sliced banana on top. Sometimes there are strawberries.

I know that smile-inducing stuff still happens in the world, but why is it all relegated to the comics page? And even there, most of the place holders are cringe-inducing. Dennis the Menace? Blondie? Hello? 2009 here!

Maybe the lack of reporting about people behaving well requires more resources than struggling media outlets have these days. Could be. Anyway, here are some of the headliners on the breakfast menu: Funeral for slain Oakland officers. 10 civilians are killed in bombing of minibus. Sudan’s leader defies warrant. Nazi newspapers.

My sunny disposition faltering, I flipped a few pages and caught these opening lines: “The streets of Baghdad are calmer now. The fighting between Shiites and Sunnis has largely ceased.” Alright! Smiling and nodding, about to share the good news with David across the table, I read on and learn that Shiites and Sunnis aren’t killing each other in Baghdad any more because there aren’t any Sunnis in Baghdad anymore. 84% of the survivors of massacres that peaked in the first half of 2007 got the hell out of there. So much for peacful conflict resolution.

I’m ready to relegate the paper to the worm bin, when I spot this headline: Spider-Man to the Rescue. Could it be? It could. An 11 year old with autism, so freaked at his Bangkok school the other day, crawls out a third story window to give himself some Me-Time. Seems nobody, including Teacher and Mom, can coax him away from the ledge until a firefighter named Somchai Yoosabai is called in. Apparently, the child loves super-heroes and for some undisclosed reason Mr. Yoosabai (if that is his real name) happens to keep a Spider-Man costume in his locker down at the firehouse. Spidey shows up on the window ledge. The boy, teary-eyed, spots him and walks into his arms.

My hero. More oatmeal please.

You probably don’t need a Spider-Man suit to coax your kid off the ledge. Maybe all you need is a willingness to go out there and sit with him.

Filed under: Parenting — Tags: firefighter, Somchai Yoosabai, Spider-Man — Annie @ 12:36 pm

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