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September 16, 2013
Growing up as a Jewish girl, of course I knew about Anne Frank’s diary. I read it for the first time when I was in the 4th grade. When my parents gave me a diary for Chanukkah that year, it made sense that I should call my diary Kit (a thinly veiled homage to Anne’s journal, Kitty).
I re-read Anne’s diary in high school and was cast in the role of Anne in my high school drama class’ reading of the play. I’ve white-knuckled and bawled through the 1959 film version of The Diary of Anne Frank several times. I’ve read numerous biographies of Anne Frank as well as, Anne Frank Remembered, the astonishing memoir by Meip Gies, one of the Frank family’s protectors.
When I had an opportunity to visit Amsterdam for the first time, David and the kids and I made the pilgrimage to the Anne Frank House.
With all that I knew or thought I knew, I had no idea Anne Frank wrote fiction. Last week, when I discovered that was the case, I ran out and borrowed our library’s copy of Anne Frank’s Tales of the Secret Annex: A collection of her short stories, fables, and lesser-known writings.
Some of the writing is very strong and some is on the level you’d expect from a 13 or 14 year old, which is what she was when she wrote it. But obviously Anne Frank had a literary gift. Part of it was a natural way with words and a clear confidence in her ability to express herself creatively. Another part was her deep insight into human emotions and behavior.
For example, in her story “Eva’s Dream” (1943) Anne writes of the complex inner workings of girls’ friendships. In the story, Elf (a wise being), helps the young Eva understand why one of her classmates, the beautiful, wealthy (mean girl) Leentje, wields such power over the rest of them. Even more impressive, Anne Frank explains (through Elf) how social courage and compassion can transform malice into camaraderie.
Elf enlightens Eva in this passage: “If (Marie) were to stand up to her, Leentje would soon have all the other girls on her side. She’d point out that Marie is ugly and poor. The rest of you would do whatever Leentje tells you to because you know she’ll be mad at you if you don’t, and that you’ll never be able to get in her good graces again. And in your eyes, being out of your ringleader’s good graces is almost as bad as having the principal mad at you. You wouldn’t be allowed to go to her house anymore, and the rest of the class would ignore you. Later on, girls like Leentje will find themselves alone, because when the other girls are older they’ll turn against her. But Eva, if you were to do that now, Leentje would have an oportunity to change before she winds up being alone for the rest of her life.”
“Should I try to get the other girls to stop listening to her?” Eva asked.
“Yes. She’ll be angry and indignant at first. But once she realizes why you’re doing it and understands her own behavior better, she’ll be grateful and will have more genuine frineds than she’s ever had before.”
Seventy years later, this online teen adviser couldn’t have said it better.
September 15, 2013
Another make-shift memorial mourns another bullying victim
Another kid pushed to the edge by bullies. Another disheartened sheriff addresses a news conference. “(She) was absolutely terrorized on social media.” Another disbelieving mom tries making sense of life without her little girl. “I never, ever thought it would happen to me or my daughter.”
This tragedy happened in Florida, though it could have been any place. Fitting, since the internet isn’t really any place but, at the same time, it’s every place. This case of peer abuse picked up fuel on ask.fm before it exploded Monday inside a 12 year’s mind, with the thought her life was worthless. Do ask.fm and other social media sites have any responsibility for the vicious behavior of its users? Yes. Because it happened on their turf. Could they do more to make their sites “safer.” Absolutely. Kids haven’t yet learned to manage their destructive emotions. They flip out of control frequently. That’s why adults monitor what goes on during school recess. Someone has to keep the peace because kids can’t do it themselves. Is it a perfect system? No, but it helps.
Social media is the largest unsupervised playground, yet where are the monitors? If anyone 15 years ago thought that kids online would naturally treat each other with respect, he’s surely woken up by now. We’re all awake now, aren’t we?
Social media sites need human moderation. That won’t completely solve the problem of bullying, but it will help to lessen it. Parents, find out which sites your kids frequent and what level of moderation (if any) those companies use. Bottom line: Your kids should not be on social media sites that don’t have human moderation in real time. Anything less puts your child at an unacceptable level of risk. Take away your business and see if that gets them to clean up their act.
Pressuring social media sites to take responsibility for the well-being of their tween and teen users, is an essential step. We also have to do our part, as parents and teachers. Our children seriously need an education at home and at school. Kids are so vulnerable to peer approval addiction, their thinking about right and wrong can get totally warped in the moment. Parents, kids, teachers, school administrators, counselors, coaches, youth leaders, mentors, all of us need to do more to reel in the culture of cruelty. Every day in which we react to a tragedy with a make-shift memorial, instead of the daily work of building schools and communities of compassion and respect, is a day we’ve failed our kids.
September 13, 2013
Friday the 13th. An unlucky day? I’m not so sure.
You know the story of the Chinese peasant farmer whose only son was thrown by a wild horse and badly injured? Downright unlucky, wouldn’t you say? The farmer’s wife thought so. She was beside herself lamenting the family’s misfortune. Neighbors gathered to commiserated, “How unfortunate!” they said. The injured son’s response was not recorded, but the farmer was philosophical (as fictional peasant farmers often are) “Fortunate or unfortunate. I don’t know. Let’s wait and see.”
Two days later the Emporer’s soldiers came by with orders to draft all able-bodied men into the army. But because the farmer’s son was still nursing several broken bones, he got a pass. The farmer’s wife was ecstatic. “How fortunate we are!” The neighbors, most of whose sons had been conscripted, once again agreed, “Yes, you are very fortunate.”
But the farmer, wasn’t ready to weigh in. All he said was, “Fortunate or unfortunate. Don’t know. Let’s wait and see.”
Maybe you get where this is going. If you want to take the trip anyway read the rest of the story.
Brownies?! How lucky! I don’t believe in luck. Stuff happens. We can’t know how it’s going to turn out.
Like today, for instance: My neighbor called to ask me to please take in her mail while she’s away. I said, “Sure thing.” And she probably thought, “How fortunate!” To show her gratitude she said, “I’ve just made brownies. On our way out, I’ll leave some inside your gate.” I thanked her and thought, “How fortunate!” And that’s all I thought, until…..
Some time later, my writing was interrupted by a CRUNCHING sound coming from the living room. I continued writing until a moment later when the sound intruded a second time. Upon investigating I found Gracie, our 5 month old puppy, chomping on a plastic lid. I got it away from her thinking, “Lucky I heard that. She could have swallowed those piece!”
As I was tossing out the bits of chewed up Tupperware I realized where little Gracie snagged that lid from. Racing downstairs to the gate, I saw… nothing in the spot where the brownies should have been!
Yikes! Dogs. Chocolate. Toxic. Double YIKES!!
It is now about 2 and a half hours later. Our puppy made a trip to the vet, where vomiting was induced. Then they gave her another drug to stop the vomiting. Plus intravenous fluids to keep her hydrated. The vet said she ate a lot of chocolate and it was a really good thing… a very fortunate thing, that I quickly put dog+chocolate together and got EMERGENCY.
Is it unfortunate that we’re not eating brownies for dessert tonight? I don’t think so.
Gracie is fine, so we’re fine.
Happy Friday the 13th.
September 10, 2013
Last month I had a great opportunity to chat and practice visualization with parenting coach Heather Chauvin. She shared a bit of what she knows about school stress so parents can help their kids (and themselves) manage anxiety at the start of the school year and all throughout.
Watch this 18 minute video then use Heather’s practical and helpful tips to ease your kids’ anxiety levels and teach them to calm themselves at home or at school. Oh, yeah, and it works for adults any time we’re feeling off-balance.
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