Teens | Annie Fox's Blog

Loyalty Oath

July 14, 2010

When I ask t(w)eens what makes a real friend vs. the Other Kind, the word “loyal” usually tops the list, along with respectful, trustworthy and fun to be with. When I ask how a friend shows loyalty I usually hear stuff like:

“They are there for you even if other people ditch you.”

“They’d never flirt with your crush or go out with your ex!”

“They don’t talk about you behind your back.”

“They always have your back.”

“They stick up for you even when you’re not around.”

After reading today’s Zits, I wonder if loyalty also requires you to hate the people your friends hate. And if you don’t hate your friends’ enemies or demonstrate a “sufficient level of distain,” by teasing, bullying and otherwise harassing said “enemy”, does that make you a bad friend? Put you at risk for landing on your friend’s Enemies List?

Probably.

Hmmm. Sounds like this might be a conversation worth having with your friends (or with your kids.). Your thoughts?

Filed under: Cruel's Not Cool,Parenting,Pop Culture,Teens — Tags: bullying, enemies list, loyalty oath, peer abuse — Annie @ 3:33 pm

Comments (3)

Does she bite?

June 1, 2010

Trust me. I'm a friend.

The developmentally disabled adults sat in front of the church waiting for their bus. “Would you like to say hello to my dog?” I asked the young woman who cautiously eyed my puppy. She recoiled and shook her head. But this pooch takes her job on the Welcoming Committee very seriously so she just kicked the wagging and wiggling up a notch. The woman was finding it hard to resist.

“Does he bite?” she wanted to know.
“Nope. But she’s really into kisses.”
The woman smiled, relaxed and the bonding began.

It’s risky business making a new friend. Especially if you’re a tween or teen who hasn’t had a lot of social success. It would be very cool to find out in advance: “Does she bite?”

From the email I get from kids I know that bullying and/or harassment situations often involve former friends. (AKA, a frenemy) The betrayal hurts as much if not more than the nastiness.

If only we could find out earlier if she “bites.” Might avoid a lot of drama and suffering.

Filed under: Cruel's Not Cool,Parenting,Teens — Tags: bullying, Cruel's Not Cool, dogs, Friendship, Teens, Tweens — Annie @ 1:16 pm

Comments (5)

Guest Teen Blogger: National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy

April 29, 2010

By Gema Mora

Gema is a 19 year old college freshman. An intern for both RadicalParenting.com and the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, Gema is studying to be a genetic engineer. She also hopes to have a writing career.

The National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy is an annual battle for a war that we cannot allow to be forgotten. May 5th is this year’s National Day. Teens across the nation will visit StayTeen.org for online activities that will stress teen pregnancy prevention messages. Although the day is meant to prevent teen pregnancy, the activities will also inform teens about other
consequences of sex.

The National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy will challenge teens to
think outside the box and consider how their lives would
be affected by sex and the benefits of contraception. The possibility of pregnancy and the hair-pulling, life changing challenges that come with being a parent will also be faced.

Forget sexy love scenes in Friday night’s date movie. Teens need to learn about the realities of being sexually active. Not a moment too soon. Guttmacher Institute’s data says that teen pregnancy is up by 3% since 2006. That is the first rise in teen pregnancy since 1990. The National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy will be a mass effort to lower that percentage. About 74% teens said that The National Day quiz made them think about what they would do in different situations. That means that the information sunk into 74% of teens and made a difference. These activities work!

Sexual education can never be over. The teens from the year 2000 are not the same ones from 2010. Today’s teens need current information. This means being educated on things like: knowing when it’s the right time, how to have open communications with partners, : how to be safe, and how to prevent teen pregnancy.

It is in our power to save at least one teen from teen pregnancy. The only thing that should be in bloom is spring are flowers, not teens. The National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy is on May 5, 2010. Spread the word!

Filed under: Teens — Tags: Gemma Mora, National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, national Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, Radicalparenting.com, Stayteen.org. — Annie @ 11:15 am

Comments (1)

For Teens: What do you do when you’re stressed and don’t know what to do?

April 1, 2010

Life's a balancing act, so don't forget to breathe.

The sun’s back after dumping about 4 inches of rain on us yesterday. OK, maybe it was only one inch, but still, it was seriously stormy. So in the spirit of the new month and a new season I did some digital spring cleaning and stumbled across this old email from a stressed out 7th grade boy. I decided to post his question and my answer just in case any of you can relate. I think I helped the kid. Maybe my advice will help you too.

Hey Annie,

You came to my school recently and talked to us about stress. I sometimes get stressed because I have so much to do I get that mixture of mad and sad. Then I do stuff that I don’t want to do. I also want a little more INDEPENDENCE and my parents tell me that if I do my responsibilities without being asked that will help me get more independence, but that’s really hard for me to remember to do that. Can you help me?

Kevin

_______

Hi Kevin,

It’s totally normal for you and everyone else to get stressed at times. But I’m guessing that you want to be able to get rid of the “mixture of mad and sad” when you feel it and to have more control over what you do.

Stress knocks people off-balance. Getting “back in balance” or re-centering reduces stress. It’s that simple. There’s a special kind of BREATHING called re-centering breathing. It can help you when things get rough. When you do it, it can help you stop a stress-response before you lose control and end up doing stuff that you “don’t want to do.” This kind of breathing isn’t hard to do, but it takes practice. The trick is to remember to do it while you’re feeling stressed. Here’s how it goes:

1. RE-CENTER. Sit and get comfortable. Put your feet flat on the floor. Rest your hands lightly on your thighs. Relax. Close your eyes. Breathe normally through your nose, but with one difference…pay attention and visualize the air coming in. Then visualize the air going out. BREATHE IN SLOWLY… THEN LET IT OUT SLOWLY. (Continue with this special kind of breathing for 20 seconds)

2. ASK YOURSELF: What did I notice? Some kids say: “Things slowed down.” “I felt calmer.” “I feel more relaxed.” Some say that their thoughts got quieter. Some say, “Nothing happened.” or “I almost fell asleep!” There are no wrong answers. It’s all good.

3. TRY IT AGAIN. Close your eyes. Relax. This time INHALE SLOWLY and evenly through your nose. Then EXHALE SLOWLY and evenly through your open mouth. When you inhale think “Breathing IN” when you exhale think “Breathing OUT.” Quiet all other thoughts. Follow your breathing. (Continue for 30 seconds)

4. ASK YOURSELF: What did I notice? What was different?

Learning to focus only on your breathing, without letting other thoughts distract you, can be very challenging. It takes practice. If you can’t focus on your breath for more than a second without thinking of other things, don’t get mad at yourself. (That’ll stress you out!) As soon as you notice your mind wandering, gently bring your focus back to your breathing.

5. TRY IT ONCE MORE, breathing at your own pace. (Continue for 45 seconds)

6. ASK YOURSELF: What happened that time?

Re-centering breathing is a great way to calm down so you can THINK more clearly and figure out what to do in stressful situations.

Try it for today. Try to remember to breathe every time you start to feel stressed about… anything. It will help you feel more in control of what you do and help you remember to keep your agreements with your parents. That’s going to show them that you’re ready for more independence.

Good luck!

In friendship,

Annie

Try the Breathing Challenge. Simply BREATHE as you feel yourself stressing and about to lose it. Then send me an email and let me know what happened right after you took a breathing break. What changed? How’d you handle the situation after you calmed down? This is how we all learn from each other!