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June 8, 2009
 Annoyance Sure it’s Monday, but I had a good weekend and plenty of sleep. The shower was hot. My hair isn’t any more sticky-uppy than usual. And after 30 minutes of yoga, and a couple of buttermilk pancakes I’m feeling pretty mellow. But since this is Day 1 of my Annoyance Challenge I’m going to have to get with the program… fast! Not a problem. Even though I like to think of myself as someone who doesn’t get annoyed all that often. (How annoying is that?) I can always recycle some not-yet-expired annoyance or concoct a fresh batch out of nothing. And maybe that’s the point. All of us have the capacity to build on a present time or cherished inconvenience (frustration, rudeness, snub, etc.) and buff it to a brilliant gloss until we’re totally pissed at the whole freakin’ world.
Annoyance is like hunger… except backwards. When I’m really hungry I snag some Trader Joe’s dark chocolate. (Don’t tell David. He thinks we have mice.) That takes the edge off. Hunger + food = less hunger. But even when I’m mildly irritated, I can instantly rev up my grumpiness tenfold by mentally, verbally and/or physically attacking the cause of my annoyance. That squirrel on the bird feeder. My split thumbnail. The client whose check is still not in my mailbox!? Annoyance + mental garbage = more annoyance.
I’m nothing special. We can all work this little miracle of insanity. The question is why would anyone choose to feel more annoyed when it’s sooo annoying? Not sure about that yet, but I’m on a 30 day quest to discover as much as I can about my love-hate relationship with annoyance. And in the process, I’m also hoping I can locate the fine tuning dial at Annoyance HQ. Then I’ll be The Decider when it comes to dialing it up or down.
It’s all about self-control and my personal mission to help teens get along better with their friends and families. The Annoyance Challenge is also about world peace. Seriously! Obama goes to Cairo and tells a zillion people that those “others” who have always annoyed the crap out of you may actually share some of your core values. So instead of jumping down their throats or slitting them, how about working together and maybe we can all get some of what we want… peace, security, respect, and justice for us and our families?
Sounds like a plan to me.
See you tomorrow. When I’ll begin taking an unbiased look at the stuff that usually drives me nuts. If you want to share your own annoyance triggers, that’s what the comment button’s for.
May 25, 2009
 "Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken" by Mike Robbins When my son was in grade school he never wore bright colors but he liked all kinds of t-shirts. When he started 6th grade the only tees he’d ever wear were blank white ones (the kind Haines sells in packages of three). When I asked him about it he launched into a detailed description of the school’s social hierarchy and where he fit in. (A notch above the losers.) Losers wore whatever they wanted because they were invisible and lacked social aspirations. Popular kids wore whatever they wanted and instantly spawned new trends. The rest of the kids (95% of the class) were very cautious with their wardrobe choices. From my son’s perspective, wearing a plain white tee was a low risk move. All he could afford to make. As he patiently explained, “I’m not cool enough to be different.” In other words, he wasn’t confident enough to be himself.
You expect insecurity from tweens and teens. “Do I look OK?” “When am I going to learn to keep my big mouth shut?” “Did anyone just notice what I did?” But many adults still work overtime keeping our ‘unacceptable’ selves in check. We wait at the corner forever looking both ways before we make an assertive move. In doing so, not only are we holding ourselves back from truly enjoying our lives and relationships, we’re also missing in action when it comes to showing our kids how a self-assured authentic adult operates.
I’ve been thinking about this stuff for a long time. That’s why I was drawn to Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken: Transform Your Life with the Power of Authenticity by Mike Robbins. In this week’s Family Confidential podcast, Mike and I talk about removing the barriers to being ourselves so we can be better people and better parents.
Have a listen here:
[QUICKTIME http://www.anniefox.com/podcast/FC004.m4a 300 300 false true]
If you have iTunes, you can subscribe to this podcast in the iTunes Store.
Or, you can download an MP3 version here.
Upcoming guest authors include:
Subscribe to Family Confidential and tune in each time!
*What’s a podcast? “A podcast is a series of digital media files, usually either digital audio or video, that is made available for download via web syndication.” — Wikipedia… So, in this case, there’s an audio file for you to listen to (in addition to reading the above).
May 10, 2009
 Author Joan Ryan About five years ago my son and I were restocking the woodpile under our front deck when someone else’s son wiped out on his skateboard in front of the house. We didn’t see the kid go down, but we heard his concerned friend yelling, “You OK, Ryan?” (No response.) “Ryan?!” I ran out to the street and saw a sturdy-looking 13 year old sprawled on the road, not moving.
On the ride to the emergency room the boy told me his name was Ryan Tompkins and his arm hurt a lot. I waited with him at Marin General until his mom arrived. When she walked toward me, I had that weird feeling that I knew her. Actually I didn’t, but I’d seen her picture over breakfast every morning. Ryan’s mom is Joan Ryan, long-time columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle.
 "The Water Giver" by Joan Ryan Ryan was wearing a helmet and he was fine after his spill, but turns out he had another skateboard accident in 2006 (no helmet that time). His traumatic brain injury is at the heart of Joan Ryan’s new book, The Water Giver: the story of a mother, a son, and their second chance.
In this week’s Family Confidential podcast, Joan and I meet again to talk about getting beyond focusing on our kids’ problems and what needs to be fixed, to setting up Parenting Camp on new ground… the place where we accept, no celebrate our children for exactly who they are.
Have a listen here:
[QUICKTIME http://www.anniefox.com/podcast/FC003.m4a 300 300 false true]
If you have iTunes, you can subscribe to this podcast in the iTunes Store.
Or, you can download an MP3 version here.
Upcoming guest authors include:
Subscribe to Family Confidential and tune in each time!
*What’s a podcast? “A podcast is a series of digital media files, usually either digital audio or video, that is made available for download via web syndication.” — Wikipedia… So, in this case, there’s an audio file for you to listen to (in addition to reading the above).
April 27, 2009
 This week's featured book For a family to run smoothly, it has to be a team. Otherwise we become a PSA for Chaos Theory. To establish and support common goals and to achieve them, every team needs a clear leader. Does your family have one? Is the person calling the shots one parent, both parents, or one of the kids? In this week’s Family Confidential podcast, I chat with Jamie Woolf, author of Mom-in-Chief: How Wisdom from the Workplace Can Save Your Family from Chaos. In her book and her workshops and conference appearances for Working Mother Magazine, Jamie lays out her “best practices” for enjoying more success at home and at work. She does this by providing valuable insights along with in-the-trenches-strategies for taking the skills working moms learn at the office and using them to become the parent leader your kids need.
Have a listen here:
[QUICKTIME http://www.anniefox.com/podcast/FC002.m4a 300 300 false true]
If you have iTunes, you can subscribe to this podcast in the iTunes Store.
Or, you can download an MP3 version here.
Upcoming guest authors include:
I’ll also be hosting future discussions about: Last Child in the Woods and The Blessing of a Skinned Knee
Subscribe to Family Confidential and tune in each time!
*What’s a podcast? “A podcast is a series of digital media files, usually either digital audio or video, that is made available for download via web syndication.” — Wikipedia… So, in this case, there’s an audio file for you to listen to (in addition to reading the above).
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