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October 14, 2010
 Who do you think you are? Great gobs of vitural ink have been sloshed around describing America’s “decline.” In a recent Newsweek story about the 100 best countries we didn’t even make the top 10. We’re Number 11. But, it’s not like Newsweek dropped a bombshell. We’ve all noticed the slippage for a while. From family problems to school problems to dysfunctional legislators to holy book burners.
Oh yes, my friends, we’ve got Trouble with a Capital T that rhymes with D and that spells DECLINE. All the pity party laments boil down to just one thing: “America’s lost its competitive edge.”
Oh yeah? Not so fast, dude. Sure, we may be losing the competition for top world ranking in stuff like education, health, quality of life, economics, and political environment. But what about Top Dog status in stuff that really matters? For example, when it comes to vying for popularity within their peer group no kids on Earth come close to the clawing, biting, sheer grit of American teens.
In light of recent horrific in-your-face school bullying plus the cyber predator stealth assaults launched from smart phones and PCs, I think I’ve figured out what’s driving at least part of it. It’s competition. And we’re scary good at it.
I’m sure we’d all agree that we hate bullying behavior. And it goes without saying we hate bullies. Every last one of them. But for the record, there is no them. It’s all us. From time to time, to one degree or another, consciously or un, we all dismiss other people as unworthy of respect. Folks, that’s the core of bullying. And we behave that way when we’re competing with each other.
Think about it. If you’re hotter (or cooler) than me or I’m hotter or cooler than you, we may distrust each other. We may try to bring each other down in thought, word or deed. If you’re smarter than me or way stupider, you’re on my hit list. If you’re fatter than me or thinner, if you wear more or less expensive clothes, if you’re a super jock or a super geek… watch out! ‘Cause whatever we are that’s “different” may be seen as a threat to someone else’s never-ending quest for votes, money, power, friends… love. And we all know what happens when we feel threatened. We attack. Sounds ruthless, but we’ve gotta get real. We’re on the edge here. Each one of us adults and kids, we’re socialized and primed to compete with each other and often that means giving each other a hard time.
So, you still in this competition or are you ready to opt out?
UPDATE: 2/2/12: Just got this great bullying awareness and prevention info-graphic from @MAT@USC aka, Master of Arts in Teaching… because it is an art!
September 19, 2010
 David McQueen, The Dave Mack Project You don’t need me to tell you the road gets plenty rough during the teen years, for them and for us. 21st century parents frequently miss opportunities to take the lead and maintain meaningful connections with their tweens and teens. Of course, it’s not all our fault. Teens don’t encourage dialogue, at least not with us! But we can only change ourselves and we need to do a better job when it comes to really listening and trying to understand what’s going on with the young people we love most in the world. Because the lessons of intimacy we teach at home help our kids grow into adults with the confidence to discover who they ought to be.
When we miss those opportunities to connect, it’s not because we don’t care, it’s just that all of us (the kids too) are too busy to check in with each other. Sometimes reminders are needed.
My guest today is David McQueen and he’s here to provide some reminders. David is an educator, international speaker, and blogger extraordinaire. He empowers adults and youth alike on subjects such as leadership, careers and communication skills. Dave is also the founder of The Dave Mack Project, a teen empowerment movement that combines speaking, live events, social media and youth coaching for teens and those who work with teens.
For the last 22 years, Dave McQueen has reached over a million teenagers through live speaking and workshops, on TV and online, with messages of empowerment about inhabiting the present and creating a brilliant future.
Listen to our conversation right here:
[QUICKTIME http://www.anniefox.com/podcast/FC020.m4a 300 300 false true]
If you have iTunes, you can subscribe to this podcast in the iTunes Store.
Or, you can download an MP3 version here.
Upcoming guests include:
Ronit Baras, author of Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers
Sean Buvala, author of DaddyTeller: How to be a Hero to Your Kids and Teach Them What’s Really Important By Telling Them One Simple Story at a Time
Dr. Karyn Purvis, co-author (with Dr. David Cross, Wendy Lyons Sunshine) of The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family
Judith Warner, author of Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety and We’ve Got Issues: Children and Parents in the Age of Medication
Katherine Ellison, author of the memoir, Buzz: A Year of Paying Attention
August 15, 2010
By Lori Lite
 Me? Stressed?! Does it show? Lori Lite is the founder of Stress Free Kids. Her books, CDs and curriculums help children, teens, and adults manage anxiety, stress, and anger while promoting self-esteem and peaceful sleep. A 2009 contestant on ABC’s Shark Tank, Lori successfully negotiated a deal which enabled her to quickly expand her brand. Now Lori’s award-winning line of CDs introduces teens to relaxation techniques and music. Indigo Teen Dreams and Indigo Dreams: Teen Relaxation Music have been embraced by parents, psychologists, educators, therapists and doctors around the world. A mother of three, she has some valuable tips for parents to help their teens overcome their stress.
Most parents recognize and remember that the teenage years are a volatile time marked by the struggle for independence, the forging of identity, the painful process of emotional maturation, and the learning of societal norms. Yet parents often underestimate the toll that the stress from these years can take on a teen.
Teenage stress has never been more prevalent. Teenagers are living ever-more complex lives in a society that increasingly treats them as younger adults. It is as important as it’s ever been, then, for parents to recognize the causes of teen stress and to take measures to relieve or combat it.
Teens are worried about grades, sports achievements, peers, relationships. Many teens are dealing with divorcing or single parents. The recession has also increased stress for teens. Many are working to help make ends meet. Others are in fear of their parents losing their jobs and the roof over their head.
Tips for Helping Teens Manage Stress
1. Remember that stress is contagious, but so is calm. Demonstrate relaxation and positive statements in your parenting routine.
2. Talk to your teen. Figure out when their guard is most likely to be down and use that time to communicate.
3. Stay up and have a late night snack with your teen. Teens may be more talkative at night and in the kitchen .
4. Tell stories about challenges you have had as a teen and how you handled it. Make sure to share the mistakes you made. Teens are more likely to share their challenges after a story than a direct question.
5. Give your teens more freedom, but keep clear boundaries. A teen without rules is a teen with much stress.
6. Schedule downtime with your teen. Go for a walk. A bike ride. Shoot baskets together. Take them out of their usual environment. You’ll be surprised how your teen will let his/her walls down doing something outdoors.
7. Pay attention to what you say to your teen. Take a break from criticizing and correcting. Make a choice to give a compliment every day.
8. Expose your teen to relaxation techniques like diaphragmatic breathing, visualization, progressive muscular relaxation, and positive statements. Empower you teen to feel good!
Parents sometimes make the mistake of interpreting legitimate stress as the typical emotional volatility associated with being a teenager. Labeling stress as ‘just being a teen’ both unfairly discounts the difficulty of the teenage years and can obscure the telltale signs of damaging teen stress. Parents might notice their teen is stressed if they see that their teen is easily agitated, overactive, confused, afraid, angry, sad, anxious or withdrawn. A preoccupation with a traumatic event, withdrawal from family and friends, sleep disturbances and physical complaints can all be indicators of stress. Lite encourages parents to trust their instinct.
Teens can also help manage their own stress levels, by making a homework plan, scheduling downtime, exercising regularly, eating healthy, not over scheduling, and getting plenty of sleep. Parents should encourage this behavior whenever possible.
Teen stress is a very real, potentially damaging condition. Parents should take whatever steps possible to help their teenagers relieve their stress during this challenging period of life. And they should start today.
July 1, 2010
 Summer rocks! by Lisa Gundlach
Lisa Gundlach is a parent of two teens, a blogger, and the community manager for SchoolFamily.com. as well as for PTOToday.com blog. SchoolFamily.com provides expert insight, information and resources to help parents set their school-age children up for year-round school success.
Yippee. School’s out. I have always been one of those mothers who prefers the unstructured nature of summer over the frenetic pace of the school year. That is, until my kids became tweens. Never is the term tween more apt than in the summer time. They often have outgrown their summer camps but they are too young for jobs. Our kids are so in between, that sometimes they just don’t know what to do with themselves. Seems that their fall back is anything technology-based. Which is why my recent quest has been to come up with activity alternatives to Facebook and Xbox. Since I know I am not the only mean mom who limits screen time, I thought I would share my plan with you. I am hoping that people will add to these ideas and together we’ll come up with an awesome summer bucket list for our middle school and high school “kids.”
The limited technology plan starts with having teens and tweens make their own list of what they’d like to do this summer. If they are invested or if it is their idea, they are more likely to follow through – the story of our lives, right?Ask your kids to break their list out by:
- stuff to do with friends (that doesn’t involve mom or dad driving)
- stuff to do with friends (where parents need to be involved)
- activities & events to do with family
- things to do on your own or “things to do when I am bored.”
This exercise will mean never having to hear, “Mom, I am bored.” My dad always said that admitting to boredom was admitting lack of intelligence and creativity! Can’t have that.
Once they have come up with their list, offer a few suggestions, based on personality and interests. Here’s a list that I came up with for suggested summer boredom busters:
- Volunteer in the community. Volunteer Match is a great way to find opportunities that range from a one-time event to a weekly gig. The benefits of this experience goes without saying.
- Get outside. In my estimation, there are no excuses not to get outside. The possibilities are endless: bicycling, playing laser tag in the woods, fishing, gardening, geo-caching… just to name a few.
- Get creative. OK, don’t use the word ‘crafts’ but inspire your kids to channel their inner artist, engineer, or chef. One of my favorite websites, Instructables.com, has endless fodder for creativity. For budding writers and artists, summer is a great time to work towards getting published.
- Get active. For the kids that start their own business there’s paint balling, mini golf, and water parks. For the rest of the gang, there are plenty of ideas that cost little or no money: organize a tournament (volleyball, whiffle ball, dodge ball, etc.), get friends together for beach Olympics. Or, for the planning-challenged, start jogging and chart your personal bests.
I also thought this list of 101 fun things for teens to do this summer had some great suggestions.
OK, let’s hear it: what can you add to my teen and tween summer fun list?
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