|
|
February 7, 2011
 Hey Cupid, I'm waiting... One week ’til Valentine’s Day. Non-stop teen emails scream for my attention and romantic advice. Not sure how I became such an expert. I mean, honestly, if some fortune teller sidled up to me in 7th grade and whispered “Some day, Annie, you will be a relationship guru sought after by thousands for your expansive knowledge of love,” I’d have choked on my incredulity then looked around to see which of the Popular Girls was messing with me.
But that was then and now apparently people actually believe I know something about love and the rest of it. Here are some questions from recent seekers:
Hey Terra,
My best friend has a great boyfriend. I’m happy for her, but I’m also extremely jealous and I feel like I can’t find anyone. I’m definitely not ugly. I’m pretty, smart, funny, easygoing and friendly. But why is it that I can’t find a nice guy who is interested in me?!
Lonely Beauty
Dear LB….
_____
Hey Terra,
Any guy I crush over does not feel the same about me. They always have a reason why I’m not “The One.” What can I do to get guys to like me???
Desperate
Dear Desperate...
And just so you don’t get the impression these are exclusively “girl” issue, check out these poignant queries from guys:
Hey Terra,
Whenever I see this girl that I’m really in love with I freeze up and don’t know what to say. I would do anything in my power for her. Can you please give me some tips on what to say to her? I would really appreciate it.
Freeze up Dude
Dear Dude…
_____
Hey Terra,
I’m 15 and I really want to be with someone and share feelings and secrets and also we can support each other. The problem is that I’m not a popular guy and I’m rejected by many people at school (I used to get picked on and bullied for no reason). I’ve asked girls out a couple of times but they all rejected me.
Still Single
Dear Still Single…
If one of these kids were your son or daughter of course you’d want to ease their suffering, but how? First with the recognition that we’ve all been there. Too shy to talk to a crush and frustrated by our own boundless ineptitude. Lonely. Desperate to be part of a couple. Crazy jealous of a friend who had a bf/gf. Then there was the inescapable fear that no one would fall in love with us… ever!
If Valentine’s Day is bringing your kid down, try to be empathetic. Take the lead and open a respectful conversation about it. This could be a great opportunity to show some compassion and understanding. That’s going to make your child feel better while it strengthens your bond. Please do not joke about, trivialize or invalidate their pain. Teen angst is real and it hurts.
So remember your kid this Monday. You’re not the love of his or her life, or a close substitute, but when they’re feeling unloved or unlovable (like Freeze Up Dude and the gang) it’s nice to know that Mom or Dad cares.
On a personal note: My father never forgot me on Valentine’s Day. His thoughtfulness was especially important during my “Everyone’s got a boyfriend but me” phase. I knew Dad loved me and that counted a lot. He died suddenly when I was 15 and I still smile at the memory of a tiny bottle of L’Air Du Temps he gave me on Valentine’s Day when I was 12.
December 6, 2010
 "DaddyTeller: How to be a Hero to Your Kids and Teach Them What's Really Important By Telling Them One Simple Story at a Time" by K. Sean Buvala Today’s guest is K. Sean Buvala, professional storyteller. This guy’s good. How good? Well, in 2007 he won the annual Oracle Award by the National Storytelling Network for his work in the promotion of storytelling, including the development of storyteller.net, an online goldmine of resources for storytellers of all stripes and their audiences. So yeah, that’s how good!
Sean is the father of four beautiful daughters. That kinda sounds like the beginning of a story, doesn’t it? Sean is also the author of DaddyTeller: How to be a Hero to Your Kid and Teach Them What’s Really Important by Telling them One Simple Story At a Time.
According to Sean, the average dad spends “less than 30 minutes a day with his kids.” That’s not good. I know, I know, parents are busy. Apparently so are kids. On average our children spend four hours a day focused on TV, Internet and/or video games. That’s an awful lot of influence being pumped into them from… who knows where? If fathers want more of a hand in shaping the values and character of their kids… short of becoming stay-at-home dads, what can they do it? Great question! Stick around. We’ve got answers.
Listen to my conversation with Sean Buvala right here:
[QUICKTIME http://www.anniefox.com/podcast/FC023.m4a 300 300 false true]
If you have iTunes, you can subscribe to this podcast in the iTunes Store.
Or, you can download an MP3 version here.
Upcoming guests include:
Rachel Simon, author of Riding The Bus With My Sister and The House on Teacher’s Lane
Dr. Karyn Purvis, co-author (with Dr. David Cross, Wendy Lyons Sunshine) of The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family
Judith Warner, author of Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety and We’ve Got Issues: Children and Parents in the Age of Medication
October 17, 2010
 "Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers" by Ronit Baras According to humanistic psychology founder Abraham Maslow we’re all driven by needs. In Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the most basic ones are our physiological needs (air, food, water, sleep, sex, etc.). No surprises there. If you’re consistently not getting what you need in this category, nothing else matters.
After our survival needs are taken care of, then come our need for Safety, Love/Belonging, Esteem, and finally Self-Actualization. It’s all pretty interesting stuff and can be very helpful when you think about human behavior. Most behavior is driven by a need. The most outrageous, over-the-top and often inexplicable behavior is driven by intensely felt emotions tied to these needs. When a kid or a teen acts out, instead of solely addressing what the child is doing, effective parents take a short cut and directly explore the need behind the behavior.
It all sounds like a solid system. Just get your needs met and be happy. Simple. Except what happens when one need is in conflict with another? For example the need for acceptance (which is huge for t(w)eens) vs. the need to be unique, also a big one with middle and high school students. That kind of conflict could spell trouble and often does.
My guest today, Ronit Baras, who has studied and written about these conflicting needs and how they affect the life choices of adults and teens. Ronit is the co-creator of the “Be Happy in LIFE” life coaching program and the author of the two self help books, “Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers“ and “In the Outback with Jasmine Banks“.
Ronit is an experienced educator as well as an international speaker. Among her clients are private institutes, schools, universities, public organizations, government bodies, educational associations, financial corporations.
For her community work, Ronit Baras has been nominated twice for “Australian of the Year.”
Listen to our conversation right here:
[QUICKTIME http://www.anniefox.com/podcast/FC021.m4a 300 300 false true]
If you have iTunes, you can subscribe to this podcast in the iTunes Store.
Or, you can download an MP3 version here.
Upcoming guests include:
Katherine Ellison, author of the memoir, Buzz: A Year of Paying Attention
Sean Buvala, author of DaddyTeller: How to be a Hero to Your Kids and Teach Them What’s Really Important By Telling Them One Simple Story at a Time
Dr. Karyn Purvis, co-author (with Dr. David Cross, Wendy Lyons Sunshine) of The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family
Judith Warner, author of Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety and We’ve Got Issues: Children and Parents in the Age of Medication
Rachel Simon, author of Riding The Bus With My Sister and The House on Teacher’s Lane
September 16, 2010
Most parents feel proud to see their kid being a good friend. But kids aren’t born knowing about respect, cooperation and empathy. They learn from us. And we teach our kids a whole lot about friendship by the way we help them and let them help us. Because of a parent’s consistent love and support little kids often say “My mom/dad is my best friend!”
 That's what friends are for. But as they grow, their friendships get more complex and our lessons need to be more pointed. We’ve got to help them connect the dots and understand that friendship is a two-way street.
If your son or daughter is being bullied or in any way getting the short end of the friendship stick, you can help. Since (s)he’s desperately trying to figure out what friendship is about, it’s a perfect time for a calm, respectful sit-down discussion. You might say something like this:
Sweetheart, in a real friendship (the only kind worth having) both people need to treat each other with respect. If a friend is sometimes nice and sometimes not, then respect yourself enough to stand up and speak the truth.
It isn’t always easy to tell the truth, even to a best friend. But if you stay silent things are probably going to get worse. Also, if you keep your mouth shut when you’re hurting, you let your friend believe that you’re OK with what’s going on. You and I both know you aren’t OK with being laughed at or teased or ignored, so why let anyone think that you are?!
In case you’re wondering if speaking up guarantees that you and your friend won’t ever have any more problems, the answer is no. In fact, if you tell your friend that you’ve had it with being disrespected, (s)he may get angry. (S)he may accuse you of trying to wreck the friendship. (S)he may turn others against you. (S)he may do all of that and more!
Because I’m always honest with you, I’m letting you know there are risks in telling the truth. But real friends can take the truth because they should know you’d never intentionally hurt them. And the truth often strengthens a real friendship, so there’s that.
Sweetie, I love you… which is why I want you to understand, now while you’re in middle school and for the rest of your life, that you’ve got to be your own best friend. That means letting people know where you stand and never giving anyone permission to be mean to you or others.
— Older Posts »
| |
Facebook
Twitter
