Annie Fox's Blog...

Thoughts about teens, tweens, parenting and this adventure of living on Earth in the 21st century.

For Teens: How much of a sheeple are you?

February 19, 2009

Not a sheeple

Definitely not a sheeple

Everyone wants to be liked. That’s normal. And there are times we each choose to go along with the group just to keep the peace or avoid confrontations. Nothing wrong with that. In fact, it makes sense to be agreeable if we’re talking about some little thing that really doesn’t matter. But what if the issue does matter to you? Do you still do what they say when it’s not right for you? Do you go along with the crowd just so they’ll like you?

If this sounds familiar you might want to ask yourself, “Am I a sheeple?” In case that’s a new word for you, sheeple are people who act like sheep. They’re most comfortable when following other people’s rules of “acceptable” behavior (what to wear, what to think, etc.). The Golden Rule rule for Sheeple: “Thinking for yourself and being your own person is way too risky! Play it safe. Follow the others.”

Wonder if you’re a sheeple? Always? Sometimes? Never? Try this Quiz.

  1. You’re looking forward to eating pizza today at school, but rumors say that it’s topped with moldy mushrooms. The pizza looks totally normal and you’re hungry. You could pick off the mushrooms. But to play it safe do you just skip the pizza? Y or N?
  2. If your friends teased you for getting good grades, would you slack off a bit? Y or N?
  3. When someone tells a joke you don’t get and all of your friends laugh, do you laugh too? Y or N?
  4. Do you always agree with who your friends say is hot and who is not? Y or N?
  5. Everyone you know, except you, thinks chocolate ice cream is way better than strawberry. If you were ordering with your friends, would you order chocolate? Y or N?
  6. When you ask friends “What do you think?” do you always take their advice? Y or N?
  7. All of your friends quit an afterschool club. Do you quit too? Y or N?
  8. Your friends decide that anyone who wears white t-shirts is a loser. Do you stop wearing your favorite white t? Y or N?
  9. “A” and “B” are running for class president. All your friends are voting for “A.” You vote for  ”B”. When people ask, do you say that you voted  for “A”? Y or N?
  10. Your teacher asks for volunteers for a really cool project. When you see that you’re the only one of your friends raising your hand, do you put your hand down? Y or N?

If you got:

7-10 Ys: You have some strong sheepish tendencies that can prevent you from calling your own shots. You might want to cut loose from the herd every now and then, just to prove to yourself that you are still an individual. You are, aren’t you?

4-6 Ys: You sometimes find it challenging to stand up for yourself so you don’t push it very often. But sometimes you are your own person and it actually feels good.

0-3 Ys: Most of the time you don’t hesitate to think for yourself. Your friends might respect you for being independent and whether you know it or not, you could be inspiring others to think for themselves, too.

If you take this quiz, I’d like to hear from you. Post your comments below.

Filed under: Quizzes, Teens — Tags: — Annie @ 10:16 am
---------

For Parents: After the candy’s been eaten

February 15, 2009

Fuzzy about love and relationships

Fuzzy about love and relationships

February 15th… the morning after the day every single single in this much married land is plagued with the thought “No date! I’m such a loser!” Of course from my perspective as an online advisor, the urge to merge is pretty much a year-round thing. So is the general cluelessness regarding what healthy relationships are all about. And it’s skewing younger all the time. Take these two oh so typical emails the likes of which I receive several times a week:

Any guy I crush over does not feel the same about me. They always have a reason why I’m not ‘the one.’ I need help! What can I do to get guys to like me???” – 6th grader in love

And this one:

“I’m a 14 old guy and I’m still a single (?!) Many of my friends are in a relationship and I really wanted one of my own. How can I make myself comfortable when being around girls, especially the one I have a crush on?? It seems that I’m always nervous and I tend to force something that I’ll regret (because I’m always excited whenever I talk to the girl I like and I don’t want them to realize that I’m an annoying person and even a stalker)!!”

Tweens and teens are under way too much pressure to couple up. Put that on top of (or underlying) the stress they already feel to make the grade academically, athletically and in the friends department and it’s easy to see why the “solutions” 11-14 year olds come up with for their Boyfriend/Girlfriend challenges aren’t the most carefully thought out ideas.

None of us would dream of handing over the car keys to an unschooled young driver, because they’re unsafe at any speed. A danger to themselves and others.  But what schooling are we giving our tweens and teens about the road trip into relationships? I know all about the take-away messages they get from friends and pop culture. But what values and skills are we parents giving them in terms of dating and relating?

We hear the word relationship and we think sex. Middle school kids hear it and think the same. And that’s a big part of the problem! The focus is all wrong. The result? A whole lot of ignorance about what really matters in a relationship – mutual respect, trust, honesty, open communication and shared values. So they swerve, skid, careen out of control, and crack up time and time again. Experience is a great teacher, but are they actually building any positive relationship skills? Based on the questions they email me, I’m guessing, not a whole bunch.

We need to change this. They need us to educate them because what they don’t know can and does hurt them. It hurts others too.

To learn more about the cosequences of fuzzy relationship smarts, check out my review of Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both by Laura Sessions Stepp.

Filed under: Holidays, Parenting, Parenting Books, Tips — Tags: , , — Annie @ 4:32 pm
---------
Older Posts »