Love is Blind

One of my exes was Grade C boyfriend material, and for about two years I never noticed. Well, OK, yeah, I did. But I hung in there, manufacturing excuses for his hurtful and unacceptable behavior. Why’d I put up with all that deception and self-deception? I thought I loved him. And I’d heard that nobody’s perfect. You’ve gotta take the bad with the good. Blah. blah. Actually I was just being stupid. Then I realized I wanted and needed trust, honesty and respect in a relationship, and I was getting none of it where I was. Just waking up gave me the shove I needed to find the EXIT.

So here’s my take on the whole “Love is Blind” thing: Maybe, it is… a little. And maybe that’s not bad. But it’s just plain stupid to walk the rim of an active volcano with your eyes closed. From this week’s email:

Hey Terra,

My new gf started talking to her ex again. She freaked out on me asking me to just go away and stop talking to her. The next day she said sorry and that she should not have done that. A week ago she re-asked out her ex, and was rejected. Then last nite she asked me a lot of strange questions to which she should have already known the answers but she likes to re-confirm the answers over and over. Then she said her whole life is a lie, all she does is lie, and how she doesn’t deserve me in her life. Then I get a text that she is going to take her life in 35 days!

Since she lies I’m not sure how much is true. Along w/her drug and alcohol problems and her failing liver, she has been told she has multiple personalities, has been to a psych ward for trying to take her life multiple times. Plus stories about cutting, an abusive bf and a cheating bf, etc.

She runs away from her emotions. She has huge trust issues so I keep all my promises to her and tell the truth on everything. But I have run out of ways to help her. Should I go back with her or not?

Trying

Dear Trying,

You sound like a good guy who is also intelligent. I’m guessing you know the girl’s behavior is not normal. It sounds like she has emotional and psychological problems which lead her to make unhealthy choices over and over. You care about her, but you can’t give her the professional help she needs.

Because you have heard of her suicide plans, you have to let an adult know. Tell the counselor at your school. That way you’ll get a responsible adult involved and hopefully your friend will receive the help she needs before she hurts herself.

I’d suggest that you NOT get back with her until she gets help and starts making progress managing her life in healthy ways. To get deeply involved with her before that time would not be a smart choice for you.

In friendship,

Terra