Annie Fox's Blog...

Thoughts about teens, tweens, parenting and this adventure of living on Earth in the 21st century.

Annie Fox, M.Ed., is an internationally respected parenting expert, award-winning author, and a trusted online adviser for tweens and teens.

For Teens: Love may be blind but it shouldn’t make you stupid

April 14, 2009

Love is Blind

Love is Blind

One of my exes was Grade C boyfriend material, and for about two years I never noticed. Well, OK, yeah, I did. But I hung in there, manufacturing excuses for his hurtful and unacceptable behavior. Why’d I put up with all that deception and self-deception? I thought I loved him. And I’d heard that nobody’s perfect. You’ve gotta take the bad with the good. Blah. blah. Actually I was just being stupid. Then I realized I wanted and needed trust, honesty and respect in a relationship, and I was getting none of it where I was. Just waking up gave me the shove I needed to find the EXIT.

So here’s my take on the whole “Love is Blind” thing: Maybe, it is… a little. And maybe that’s not bad. But it’s just plain stupid to walk the rim of an active volcano with your eyes closed. From this week’s email:

Hey Terra,

My new gf started talking to her ex again. She freaked out on me asking me to just go away and stop talking to her. The next day she said sorry and that she should not have done that. A week ago she re-asked out her ex, and was rejected. Then last nite she asked me a lot of strange questions to which she should have already known the answers but she likes to re-confirm the answers over and over. Then she said her whole life is a lie, all she does is lie, and how she doesn’t deserve me in her life. Then I get a text that she is going to take her life in 35 days!

Since she lies I’m not sure how much is true. Along w/her drug and alcohol problems and her failing liver, she has been told she has multiple personalities, has been to a psych ward for trying to take her life multiple times. Plus stories about cutting, an abusive bf and a cheating bf, etc.

She runs away from her emotions. She has huge trust issues so I keep all my promises to her and tell the truth on everything. But I have run out of ways to help her. Should I go back with her or not?

Trying

Dear Trying,

You sound like a good guy who is also intelligent. I’m guessing you know the girl’s behavior is not normal. It sounds like she has emotional and psychological problems which lead her to make unhealthy choices over and over. You care about her, but you can’t give her the professional help she needs.

Because you have heard of her suicide plans, you have to let an adult know. Tell the counselor at your school. That way you’ll get a responsible adult involved and hopefully your friend will receive the help she needs before she hurts herself.

I’d suggest that you NOT get back with her until she gets help and starts making progress managing her life in healthy ways. To get deeply involved with her before that time would not be a smart choice for you.

In friendship,

Terra

Filed under: Teens — Tags: , , — Annie @ 3:43 pm
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For Parents: Sometimes we hum because there are no words

April 6, 2009

Some TLC and plenty of sugar

Some TLC and plenty of sugar

Lying in the driveway, not far from the paper, a hummingbird rested, flapped, then rested again. I’d seen this before. A bird mistakes a window reflection of the Great Beyond for the real thing and breaks his neck. But this one didn’t seem fatally injured. Maybe he was just seeing stars and would soon zip off. That’s what happened when I once extracted a hummingbird from our cat’s mouth. Sure, it was stunned (they both were), but then WHIZZZ… bye bye birdie.

But this one didn’t file a revised flight plan, so I brought him inside to show David (Correction: I woke David up then showed him.) After figuring out what the hell I was holding under his nose, David suggested I leave Hum on the front deck. “Cause if he takes off in the house we’ll never catch him.” Good thinking!

I put Hum in a planter box, certain he’d soon fly away or give up the ghost. When I returned an hour later, Hum had opted to stay put and stay alive. But his vital signs were weak. So David the Idea Man, now wide awake, suggested I give Hum some sugar water.

Dipping my little finger I offered a single drop. But my pinky looks nothing like a flower, so he wasn’t interested. 5 minutes of continuing to offer a drop suspended from my finger, Hum thinks, “Not my usual fare, but this lady’s trying awfully hard… so… what the hell?” Out darts his teeny tongue and he’s lapping the water! YES!

For the next 2 hours David and I take turns feeding Hum who gets stronger and stronger. It’s incredible!! (Who says there’s no nutrition in sugary drinks?!)

We ended up taking the little guy to Wild Care, a wildlife hospital in San Rafael where there’s a vet who actually specializes in treating injured hummingbirds! Hum turned out to be an Allen’s hummingbird and is now Patient #3258. (In case you’re wondering, we weren’t charged for his treatment… Turns out he was covered on our policy.)

The good folks at Wild Care told us we can call back in a few days and find out how he’s doing. And if Hum recovers, we can participate in the release back into the wild from whence he came (AKA our garden). What a good thing that will be, since he probably has family in the neighborhood who will be happy to welcome him home.

Enjoy our 27 second YouTube video!

UPDATE: 48 hours later I call Wild Care to see how Hum’s doing. He’s still alive, and in “foster care.” I’ll let you know what’s up when I find out more.

UPDATE 2: We just got word that 72 hours after rescuing Hum he decided it was time to leave his body. No doubt he’s now flying free where there are no obstacles. Go Hum!

Filed under: Parenting — Tags: , , — Annie @ 5:09 pm
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