Dad, I'm gonna check this out. See you later.

Not to get all Zen, but the future takes care of itself. Tomorrow will dawn without our help. Of course, sometimes we benefit from planning before we get there. Then it’s smart to prep. Stupid not to. But it’s also possible to jump the gun and set ourselves up for unnecessary worry because there is no there yet. And what are you going to prep for if you don’t know where you’re going? That’s what’s happening with this dad who is tying himself in knots about a “career path” for his fifteen year old:

Dear Annie,

My son just started 10th grade and has excellent grades. He’s very responsible and has a great attitude. When I was his age I got no career advice and even after I finished my education I didn’t get proper guidance. I’ve told him this, but he’s not interested in talking about careers. My wife never worked in her field of study because she didn’t enjoy it. She often says, “I wish someone would have told me about other career choices.” It causes me stress to think that my son might say that some day. I want him to choose wisely about a career path. What resources can you recommend?

Stressed Dad

Dear Dad,

Your son is fifteen. He’s a great student and a good kid. You’ve done a terrific job as his dad. Congratulations! Now I’m going to give you some advice you’re probably not expecting: Lighten up! Your son isn’t ready for career advice. His disinterest tells you that. If he’s like most students, he’ll enter college not yet knowing what interests him. For this reason colleges don’t require students to declare a major until the end of sophomore year or beginning of junior year. Your son has five more years of exploring and maturing. He needs it.

I understand that you regret not having had “proper” guidance at age 15, but your son is not you. Please try to relax. If you continue to make this an issue you will drive a wedge between you and your son. A year from now his school’s counseling staff will begin talking about SATs, college visits, applications, etc. Unless your son takes the initiative before then and starts showing interest in programs offered at different colleges there’s no need to give him career advice now. Let him be a 15 year old.

You love your son and you want the best possible future for him. Sometimes the best way to parent is to step back a bit. Whenever you notice your stress levels rising it’s time to breathe. Slow deep breaths will relax your mind and tamp down the urge to push the boy. Remind yourself, “My son is an intelligent, level-headed young man. He will find his path in life. If he asks for guidance I will share my experience and do my best to help him discover what he most finds fulfillment in doing.”

OK? Good dad. Happy Father’s Day.