Christmas | Annie Fox's Blog

Holiday steps and missteps

December 8, 2015

I’m head-down focused on my teen novel. Come first of the year, El Niño or no, it’s going to my editor. Who cares if I’m sitting on a coach adrift in dog hair? Or wearing the same socks five days running? It’s Food Truck Tuesday and I’m in the zone. And like yesterday’s Chinese leftovers, I’m serving up reheated holiday blog fare today. Tuck in!

It’s dark out there. Spread your light

T’is the season for spreading light in the darkness. And goodwill. Yeah. So why not go out of your way to be nice? Or, at the very least, watch out for missteps. Some can’t be undone. Like when we make choices that negatively alter the course of a relationship.

Fortunately some missteps can be corrected before we royally muck things up. I got one of those the other day as David and I walked to the post office. We passed a neighbor wearing a thin blue dress, bedroom slippers and an agitated expression. She shouted something at us, but with the guy across the street running his leaf blower I couldn’t make out what she said.

This woman is… how can I put this? A bit erratic. Over the years I’ve seen her standing in front of her house screaming at cars (“SLOW DOWN!!”) and at me (“DID YOU SEE THAT GUY? JUST LETS THE DOG RUN AROUND! NO LEASH! NO SENSE!”) Because I never know what I’ll get from her I keep my distance. At that leaf-blowing moment I could easily have pantomimed: Sorry, crazy lady, can’t hear you! I’ll just shrug, smile, wave and keep walking…fast.

But that felt like a misstep. And I had the weird sensation a campus rep from Karma College was taking notes… so I crossed the street and talked to her.

LADY: Did you see the mailman up the street? Has he come down the hill yet?

ANNIE: I didn’t see him, but we already got our mail.

LADY: So did I. But I wonder if he’s passed by yet.

ANNIE: Yeah. I think he’s gone for the day.

She stood there, frowning. The wind picked up and her feet went bluish in those flimsy slippers.

ANNIE: Was there something you wanted to mail? Because we’re walking to the post office right now.

She ran into the house while I imagined her coming back with a twenty-five pound box and a handful of stamps. I thought about leaving. A moment later she re-appeared waving a white envelope… Christmas card size.

LADY: It’s for a man in a nursing home. You’ll take it to the post office for me?

Sure thing.

Misstep unstepped. Right foot forward.

Filed under: Parenting — Tags: Christmas, christmas cards, doing the right thing, good karma, Good Neighbors, goodwill, Holidays, neighbors — Annie @ 10:51 am

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Day 11: Kindness and Respect Challenge (T’is always the ‘season’ for spreading good will)

October 11, 2013

Sure been chilly in the mornings and evenings. My neighbor’s dahlias scream for their close-up. Local trees outdo each other in their annual “Look at me!” competition. And yesterday I went sweater shopping. So, yeah. No doubt about it, t’is the season to show a little good will toward our fellow humans.

T'is the season for bountiful kindness

Makes me wonder why Kindness and Respect isn’t a year-round thing. We’d all be better off if it were.

With that thought in mind, here’s excerpt from my book Teaching Kids to Be Good People. It’s a Christmasy kind of essay, but I’m putting it out here two and half months ahead of schedule to plant some kindness seeds and see what happens.

One Foot in Front of The Other

I don’t believe in Santa’s Naughty or Nice List, but I do believe in the inherent value of doing good deeds. I always try, at least in public, to be a positive role model, just in case some child happens to be watching and taking notes. In other words, I do my best to avoid missteps.

Some missteps can be corrected before it’s too late. Like when you choose a puny pot for making applesauce. After cutting up and tossing in four apples any fool can see that the other eleven on the counter will never fit into that pot. So you simply dump everything into a larger pot and carry on. Misstep unstepped. That assumes, of course, that a certain someone who already mentioned how the first pot was obviously too small isn’t standing right there watching. If he is and you two have been keeping score about such things, then timely self-correction without losing face is more challenging. But it’s still a viable and prudent option.

Some missteps, on the other hand, can’t be undone. Like making that offhand comment when you knew a certain person probably wasn’t going to fully appreciate the humor. Even if you swear you were “Just kidding!” you’re still stuck having to apologize and deal with your own disappointment in your lack of self-control. You’re also left wondering why the hell you haven’t yet learned that everything that pops into your head a) isn’t as funny as you think it is and/or b) isn’t worth saying.

As I write this, it is now December. ’Tis the season of spreading goodwill and comfort in the cold. So I light candles and look for opportunities to take steps in the right direction. And I got one this afternoon! As David and I walked to the post office, we passed a neighbor standing in front of her house. She wore a thin pink dress, bedroom slippers, and an agitated expression. She said something to us, but since the guy across the street was running his leaf blower, I couldn’t make out what it was.

Just so you know, this neighbor is . . . how can I put this . . . a bit erratic. Over the years we’ve heard her scream at passing cars, “SLOW DOWN!!”

And screaming at us, “DID YOU SEE THAT? JUST LETS THE DOG RUN AROUND! NO LEASH! NO SENSE!”

Because I never know what I’ll get from her, I was a bit apprehensive when I saw her talking to me. At that moment I could easily have begged off by pantomiming something like: “Sorry, I’d love to stop and chat but I can’t hear you because the darn leaf blower is too loud. So I’ll just shrug and smile and wave and keep on walking.”

But that felt like a misstep. And I had the sneaking suspicion the campus rep from Karma College was lurking about taking notes. So I inhaled, exhaled, crossed the street and went up to her.

LADY: Did you see the mailman up the street? Has he come down the hill yet?

ANNIE: I didn’t see him, but we already got our mail.

LADY (frowning): So did I. But I wonder if he’s passed by yet.

ANNIE: Yeah. I think he’s gone for the day.

She looked upset as she stood there in the cold. Her toes were kinda bluish in those flimsy slippers.

ANNIE: Was there something you wanted to mail? Because we’re walking to the post office.

Magic words! She lit up and ran into the house. I stood there hoping she wouldn’t come out lugging a fifty-pound box and toss me some stamps. But no. She emerged a moment later waving a single white stamped envelope . . . Christmas card- size.

LADY: It’s for a man in a nursing home. You’ll take it to the post office for me?

ANNIE: Sure thing.

Misstep unstepped. Right foot forward.

_____________

Enjoy your mid-October weekend. One step at a time. And then check out Day 14 of the Kindness and Respect Challenge.

Filed under: Kindness and Respect Challenge,Parenting,Teaching Kids To Be Good People — Tags: Christmas, Good Neighbors, kindness, respect — Annie @ 12:14 pm

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The “Please Don’t Buy Me Any Stuff” Gift Guide

December 4, 2009

You are entitled to....

The year our daughter turned 15 she announced that she didn’t want us to buy her any “stuff” for Hanukkah. Huh? Did I hear that right? No stuff? What’s going on? Did she still love us? Wasn’t she grateful for the many very carefully selected gifts she’d received since… birth? Was she planning on running away and wanting to travel light?!

Actually, the truth was far less sinister and more profoundly personal. As she put it, “I’ve had it with holiday commercialism.” This led to a lively family discussion about needs vs. desires. Form vs. Substance. Carnivores vs. Vegetarians.

NOTE1: Our son was 9 at that time and while he dearly loved and coveted all kinds of “stuff,” (except when it came to clearing it off the floor and stowing it all back where it belonged) he agreed his sister’s idea merited serious philosophical consideration.

NOTE2: Said son is now a college graduate with a degree in… philosophy.

We love each other in this family and we’re not shy about showing it. So even though we placed a holiday moratorium on buying each other stuff there were absolutely no restrictions on the act of giving. Of course, without the stuff option to fall back on, we each faced the creative challenge of figuring out what to give.

That first year we abandoned traditional gift-giving our tokens of affection and admiration became more experiential and far-reaching. I’m talking about live performances and other cultural outings. There were factory tours, waterfall hikes, specially baked desserts, multi-media presentations, and hand-crafted treasures.

By far the best innovation emerging from our new tradition was the advent of personalized coupons books. These hand-made packets offered a variety of a dozen or so customized “goods and services and special privileges.” If you’re thinking “Give my kids a month of dry-cleaning?! A reserved parking space?! Is this woman nuts?” allow me to explain. The key to coupon success is knowing your recipient. Daughter, who frequently got busted for talking on the phone after lights out, was thrilled to get: “This coupon entitles you to use the phone between 11-11:30 on a school night. Homework and all getting ready for bed preparations must first be completed.”

Son, who has always loved sweets, got: “This coupon entitles you to 2 dozen of your choice of home-made cookies that you don’t have to share with anyone (unless you happen to be feeling particularly generous). Minimum 24 hour notice required.”

I remember happily receiving: “I will water all the plants in the house for you for 1 week.” And David, who spends lots of time hunched over his computer, was delighted to get: “I will give you a 10 minute shoulder massage.”

Freeing ourselves from buying stuff has opened the door to a new tradition and kept us out of the malls.

Now just in case you think I live under a rock, have a heart of stone, and/or am independently wealthy… none of the above. So, yes, I know times are tough and retailers around the country are wracking their business brains to figure out how to get us to regain enough confidence in the economy and our future earning power to get ourselves down to the mall and do our part for the recovery. I get that. And this No-stuff Gift Guide isn’t meant as an all or nothing deal. I mean, let’s face, there is very cool stuff in stores. And sometimes the special something your kid craves is just what you want to give, and if you can, go ahead and give it. Then knock yourself out on the kid’s joy when he/she receives your gift. All I’m saying is that you are not and never have been required to go into debt buying stuff that’s out of synch with your innate sense of what’s appropriate and healthy for your child.

So, if you’re looking for some extra meaning during this holiday season and a little less wear and tear on your family values, you might talk to your kids about alternatives to traditional gift-giving. It may not be coupons, but your family will likely come up with all kinds of great ideas. When we explore more creative ways to show our love for each other, we celebrate the uniqueness of each of family member. Now there’s a gift!

Happy holidays from our family to yours.