Nooo, the worms can't wait!

It’s Thursday and I am officially annoyed with myself for blogging instead of working on Book 4 of Middle School Confidential. True, the first draft isn’t due until late fall, but I had this plan of finishing it in June so I’d have July and August off and then in September I’d revisit the draft with “fresh” eyes and begin revising. Instead what did I do? I created The Annoyance Challenge, requiring me to blog every day until July 7th. Why the hell did I do that? Wasn’t writing 5 books in two and half years enough of a challenge?

Hmmmmmm… But wait! Hold on a sec! I know! I did it to annoy myself! For The Challenge! Ha! Pretty clever. And guess what? It’s working!

Since I’m doing such a good job of pissing myself off at the moment, I might as well dive in and quantify some of my major annoyance triggers. (To contribute your own, just click on the COMMENTS link at the end of the blog.)

For this list I’m sticking with those irritating situations that do not involve someone else. Sure, everyone’s got a little list of annoying people. And while kvetching about them is, undeniably, great fun, it can also lead to more annoyance, not less. So for the purposes of this 30 Day Annoyance Challenge, finger-pointing is kinda beside the point.

Annoying Situations of My Own Doing

1. Procrastination Tactics (AKA detour tasks ) — Any activity that takes you away from (or prevents you from committing to) what you actually should be doing. Referred to as “cabinet making” by John Irving in The World According to Garp, detour tasks are often worthwhile pursuits like shelling peas, Feng Shuing your garage, or going through your Can-O-Worms to separate the worms from their castings (poop). Whether Procrastination Tactics are useful isn’t the issue. The real question is: Do I need to be doing this right now? When I answer, “Not really but…” and keep right on doing it, well, that annoys me, just usually not enough to stop.

2. Expired Coupons for Cool Stuff — Yesterday I was organizing one of our cluttered bathroom cabinets (see #1) and came across a very attractive coupon from Seattle’s Best Coffee. It showed a frothy mug of some amber liquid, topped with an artfully sculpted mound of whipped cream. The photo identified the drink as a Vanilla Red Tea Latte. (Hmm. Red tea? Sounds intrigruing!) Beside the mug was what looked like a scone sporting a smear of raspberry jam. I’m only guessing here… the pastry wasn’t identified. In all honesty, I’m not fond of scones. They always seem too dry. But maybe that’s the point. You buy one and then you’re forced to purchase two more cups of Red Tea to wash it down or quick find someone to save you with the Heimlich maneuver.

The coupon read: REDISCOVER TEA, get a treat. Up perked the ears of my inner child (who truly is only 1/10 of a centimeter below the surface of my sophisticated adult veneer.) Methinks, “Treat?” I wanna treat!” The coupon continues to spell out the deal: Purchase a medium or large beverage and receive a complimentary pastry or a second beverage of equal or lesser value–ON US!

OK, so, let me get this straight: If David and I manage to find a Seattle’s Best Coffee in our vicinity and he shells out for a vanilla Red Tea Latte (or another medium or large beverage of his choosing) plus a scone, (though knowing David he’s more likely to go for a brownie and who could blame him?) then I get a Vanilla Red Tea Latte (with sculpted whipped cream) for free. Sounds like a deal!

So I’m all psyched and ready to suggest an outing to David when I flip over the coupon and discover that it expired 3/3/09. Dang! That’s annoying. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought that coupon up to the bathroom in the first place!

Annoying Situations of My Own Doing (items 3-10)

• Bumping my shin (again) on the open dishwasher door
• Knocking my hip (again) on the kitchen counter
• Misplacing my computer glasses (again)
• Misplacing my sunglasses (again)
• Getting poison oak (again)
• Being tricked (again) into bending down and reaching for the penny that some sadistic joker glued to the sidewalk on the next block
• Getting bits of turkey sausage stuck in between my teeth with no dental floss around. Then when I use my fingernail to try to pry out the meat, my nail breaks off in between my teeth. (that counts for two)

Because all of the above are situations of my own doing, I can do something about them… like paying more attention to the set-ups thus avoiding the traps. Just thinking about how I’ve got the power to become less annoyed in 10 areas of my day-to-day life makes me feel… better.

OK, my friends. Enough procrastination for now, I’m going to work on Book 4.

Honest.