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Thoughts about teens, tweens, parenting and this adventure of living on Earth in the 21st century.

Annie Fox, M.Ed., is an internationally respected parenting expert, award-winning author, and a trusted online adviser for tweens and teens.

For Parents: A tale of two kids

December 8, 2008

Not the brave loving goat, but a close proximity

Not Goat the Brave, but probably a cousin

Saturday I strolled alone through a golden vineyard. Let me tell you, if you’ve got a nice sunny day going for you this time of year, get out in it! I mean really out in it. The more natural the environment the better. Drag your family along too. 

In the short term, the quietude will re-center you. In the long-term it might keep you saner when you’re locked in traffic, cooped up inside, or stuck anywhere you’d rather not be. Enjoying the bounties of nature (even in winter) might also keep you safer. Because let’s face it, trolling malls can be scary dangerous. Just last week a bunch of Long Island bargain hunters trampled a store employee! Yes, they actually killed a guy who stood between them and 30% off of such gotta-haves as a pair of Hulk Smash Hands. Nothing like that ever happens in vineyards, even when grapes with attitude are still on the vine. Of course, I wasn’t hunting for anything on Saturday, which is probably why finding the goats was so cool. 

There were 15 of them in a spacious, grassy fenced-in area. It looked like a perfect home for goats. I’m just assuming, of course. But really, they all seemed pretty happy. OK, I don’t know that for sure, but I can verify that none actively complained. Except for this one goat. He looked at me with what could only be called longing.  Like he suddenly realized that his goat-life was not complete. Maybe the others felt it too, but they just stood and stared. Goat the Brave, on the other hand, trotted right over to the fence. He looked up at me and said, “I need some love. Can you help?”

Naturally I reached through the railing and petted him. He tilted his head and smiled. “Ahh, that’s great. Now how about behind my left ear, if you don’t mind?” I didn’t mind. I was into it. As we bonded by the fence for the next few minutes the world went away.  Then I happened to look over his head into another galaxy where the rest of the herd stood frozen, watching G the B get all that hands-on love and special attention. Their collective desire to be patted and cooed at was palpable and yet, they didn’t have whatever courage it took to step right up and say, “Me too!”   

After five, ten minutes max, I left the goats and headed back to the tasting room where the guests sipped their Chardonnay and Merlot, downed salami and cheese, and enjoyed the music of The Pellegrini Band comprised of select members of the Las Gallinas Valley Sanitary District Non-Marching Band (aka The Sewer Band) and the Corte Madera Town Band.

Between sets I read on a bench in the late afternoon sun. A 5 year old girl (aka Little Spunky) spotted me and like the brave goat, also wanted attention. But because she’s human, she was naturally more coy in her approach. She ducked behind my bench and sang quietly to herself but not all that quietly. When I turned to her, Little Spunky lowered her voice and pretended to pick flowers. Two can play this game! I turned back to my book, but faked her out and immediately shot her another glance.  Ha! I caught her looking at me! But this time she didn’t look away. Instead, she smiled knowingly and simply said, “Santa’s coming!” The message was clear… “Don’t miss it, lady!” Then she climbed out of the flower bed and ran into the tasting room.

I followed. And within seconds, the band started “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” and there was Santa. And who do you think was the first to talk to the fat man, receive a kindly pat and a candy cane? You guessed it. Way to go, Little Spunky. Way to go, Goat the Brave. You know how the world works.  You want love?  You want attention? Speak up.

Filed under: Holidays,Parenting — Tags: , , — Annie @ 3:53 pm
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For Parents: It’s beginning to feel…

December 2, 2008

Corte Madera Town Band

Corte Madera Town Band

The Sunday after Thanksgiving isn’t supposed to look like … April. Not even in the San Francisco Bay Area. Most likely it’s global weirding. And while there’s absolutely nothing in that inconvenient truth to lift my spirits, it’s hard to get too worked up when it’s 60 and sunny and I’m sipping Earl Grey and watching chilled out families in their t-shirts and flip-flops.

In addition to the first rate people-watching opps here at Corte Madera Town Center, I’m also listening to David play trombone along with the 49 other members of the Corte Madera Town Band. This is the annual outdoor concert where they all wearing Santa hats and serenade the shoppers. Sure, I’ve heard them play these same tunes at least twen… ‘Scuse me, had to quit typing for a minute to lead the applause for “Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire…” or whatever that song is actually called. But charred chestnuts aside, the Sunday crowd is loving this and so am I.

The music radiates vibes of peace and love, and also apparently the urgent need for a deli sandwich and a cold drink. The familiar melodies permeate the mammalian brain where they joggle good time memories and turn off the urge to put one foot in front of the other. So people stop and stand in friendly knots, smiling to themselves and to their kids and to total strangers who are standing, singing along and smiling to their kids. Eveyone is, for the moment, bobbing, swaying, tapping and connecting without digital technology to something pretty cool. A surprising gift, unfolding, in real time, right here.

Like all emotions, togetherness is fleeting… as evidenced by the folks who park and unpark in the two empty seats beside me and my laptop.

Blonde Mom#1 with her little boy. The kid is really into his chocolate cupcake. Doesn’t seem like he has any spare brain cells to take in the Christmas hit parade. But clearly I misjudge his ability to multi-task because when Mom says, “Let’s go now,” he pipes up, “One more song!” Mom’s not thrilled, but they strike a compromise. She lets him sit through “Winter Wonderland” (sleigh bells and all) while she scrubs the chocolate off of his mouth, chin, nose, cheeks and ears.

Very old woman… a walking ad for the importance of sunscreen… lights up when she spots the empty chair. But as soon as she eases herself in, she pops up again and tries to move it. I’m all for getting what you want in life, but furniture arranging during a concert… maybe not the best idea. Especially when we’re talking about a wrought-iron chair amongst other closely placed wrought–iron chairs standing on uneven cobblestones. Tough going. I was about to offer to help, when she starts looking around with a worried expression. Maybe she’s picturing the chair police swooping down on her. Though I’m thinking it’s more likely that she’s looking for Grandpa, who she left at the Apple store without mentioning that she was going to hang out by the band. A minute later she’s gone.

A couple of gay guys, both carrying ultra-cool cell phones, stop by.

Gay guy#1 (flashing a warm smile and touching my hand): May we sit here?

Annie (smiling back): Sure thing!

Gay guy#1 (squeezing my hand): Cool!

Gay guy#2 (enthusiastically clapping along with “Let it Snow”): This is such a surprise!

Gay guy#1: Yeah. Very Cool! 

Indian mom with her daughter.

Little Girl: (looking at me): Mom, why is that lady writing?

Annie: (to LG) Because I’m a writer. I’m watching all these people and writing down what I see… it’s how I get ideas for stories. (Actually I knew this would turn into a blog, but I thought the story concept would be easier for the kid to understand. And really, it’s all a story, right?)

Annie: Do you like to write stories?

LG: (shaking her head)

Annie: But I’ll bet you like to READ stories, don’t you?

LG (lighting up): Yes!

Annie (thinking): Well, where do you think stories come from? From people like me who take notes while talking to people like you.

Blonde Mom#2 (carrying Little Blondie, her 11 month old daughter): Is someone sitting here?

Annie: You are.

Little Blondie: (bopping along to “It’s Beginning to Look A lot Like Christmas): Yah, yah! Yah!

Annie: She seems to like music.

Mom: She LOVES it! My husband is a professional musician. We’re trying to figure out what instrument we should start her on.

Annie (thinking) Maybe she should learn to walk and talk first.

After the band played Feliz Navidad (throughout which the grandpa across the way crooned into the ear of his little grandson) Little Blondie’s face fell.

LB (little clouds gathering on her brow): MFPLR?

Mom: (to Annie): She wants more music.

Annie: Ah.

Phew! Good thing the musical Santas launched into “My Favorite Things or little Blondie was heading for a meltdown. As long as the band played on, it looked like Mom would have a challenge getting on with her day, but when she was ready…

Mom (matter of factly):Time to leave after this next song.

Mom (picking up LB after the song ended): Time to leave. Say bye bye.

Super Nanny would have been impressed.

Annie: Bye bye.

The band was saying bye bye too. It’s the end of a long holiday weekend and people are acting like it’s been a good one. And it has… even if the weather is totally weird.

Filed under: Holidays,Parenting — Tags: , — Annie @ 9:11 pm
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