by Keith Rispin
Keith “Parenting Old School” Rispin is a parent of 12+ years and a 17 year teaching veteran who specializes in working with at risk youth. It is from this unique perspective along with his own no nonsense upbringing that Keith writes. He believes parenting’s become far too permissive and tries to to shed light on the “absurdity of today’s soft and over indulgent” parenting styles. Whether you agree or not, Keith hopes you’ll find something in his writing to either like, love or even absolutely despise. “It is only through dialog about the differences in our perspectives that we can make the world a better place for ourselves and our children.”
A tool? A danger? A learning opportunity? All of the above?
Ah the Swiss army knife. The ultimate utility tool. Knife, bottle opener, corkscrew, tweezers, screwdriver, pry bar, saw, stick sharpener, bug dissection tool… The list of uses is endless.
I have had one close at hand for as long as I can remember. I was given one as a kid and in my list of life’s big events, I think it ranks in the top 10.
That Swiss Army Knife meant a number of things. Most of which I didn’t realize at the time but recently, I was afforded the opportunity to reflect on just how important that knife was in my growth into adulthood. It was the first stepping stone toward independence, feeling trusted and logical consequence.
Let me explain further. I had a very short conversation the other day with a neighbour about my daughter and her pocket knife.
“Hey Keith, do you realize that your daughter has been using your Swiss Army Knife in the forest?”
“Actually it is her Swiss Army Knife and yes I am quite aware”
“Do you think that is safe?”
“Just as safe as it was when I was twelve”
With that, I got a quizzical look but it got me thinking, what are all the good things that came out of having my very own pocket knife at my disposal when I was a kid?
Independence: Owning a Swiss Army Knife of your own, meant that you didn’t have to ask your dad for his or to have to ask permission to use the household one. You had the freedom to take it out and use it whenever necessary. Believe it or not, I even remember using it in class during Chemistry to fix some piece of science apparatus in about grade 11. Can you imagine doing that today?
Trust: It meant that your parents trusted you to responsibly use this sharp object without doing inappropriate damage to people, places or things. They also trusted that you were responsible enough not to impale yourself… too often.
Logical Consequence: Knives can be very unforgiving. Use it inappropriately or incorrectly and chances are you are going to get cut. Flesh wounds are a great learning experience, especially if they end up with a trip to emergency for stitches.
Nowadays, if you give a kid a knife… It is a cardinal sin. A tool with which a felony is sure to be committed but with that being said, I have given my eldest daughter one anyhow. Actually she has had it for about 2 summers but now she has free reign over its use.
She uses it for everything. It is an essential tool in her outdoor activity and she has been very responsible with it but why do so many parents think that modern day children should hot have access to such benign tools of the childhood experience?
It begs the questions
- Since when are kids incapable of being safe with inherently “dangerous” things?
- How are kids ever going to learn how to handle “dangerous” items if they never get the opportunity?
- If you can’t trust a twelve year old with a pocket knife, at what age can you trust them?
- Why wouldn’t you teach a child how to make sure potentially dangerous things, do not become dangerous?
We are raising social eunuchs, incapable of handling any kind of danger or risk. If we continue to “sterilize” our children’s world in the name of keeping them “safe” then what is the point of living? If we deny our children any rights of passage into adulthood which reach beyond the safety bubble we create for them, they will forever live as children in the eyes of society.
Simple risk activities and items can mean so much in the growth of your child, let them live a little. Even if it means a cut a bruise or an abrasion on occasion it is worth it in your child’s growth into an adult.
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Thanks for this thought-provoking post. My daughter, too, has a swiss army knife, although she didn’t get it until she was 15 and asked for it. My only worry is that someone could take it from her and use it against her if she tried to defend herself with it. Is that a concern to you, Keith?
Comment by Dr Laura Markham — May 5, 2011 @ 6:10 am
Dr. Laura,
I have to say that this thought has crossed my mind BUT it was only fleeting.
It is not an issue for me for a few reasons.
1. The knife never travels with her. Never to school, corner store or other. It is strictly for use within the confines of her home space.
2. The knife and its use has never been presented as a implement for defense. Up until this year, I wouldn’t let her use it even if younger kids in the neighborhood were around. Not that she would do something, it is just that using a knife where stumbling, inquisitive little ones around is a recipe for an accident. Now she is old enough to control her surroundings and those in it so I am not quite so concerned.
3. I live in a very quiet benign community on the edge of a large city, where person to person conflict is rare. Actually our biggest concerns come from the raccoons, coyotes, bears and cougars that live in the hills behind our house. Fortunately everyone has a dog so our kids are well watched over.
Of course there is the “potential” for something like what you describe happening but it is remote. There is also a chance that I will get killed in a car accident on the way home tonight BUT it is remote.
We can’t protect our kids from everything and god forbid anything should happen to anyones child but life is about taking risks and managing these risks. If we NEVER expose our kids to risks, they will NEVER be able to appropriately handle risk as young adults.
The pocket knife is just one small risk on a road that will bring many more over the course of a life time.
Thanks for your comment.
Comment by Old School Parent — May 5, 2011 @ 11:01 am
She is using it the same way we used them for building fort making traps for other Fort maker is is allowed to be a kid which is priceless.
Comment by Leslie — May 9, 2011 @ 5:44 pm
An interesting aside since Annie posted this. I was having a beer with a Principal friend this weekend and he was telling me that he had to confiscate a pocket knife from a kid who simply forgot he had it in his pocket and brought it to school.
There was no malicious intent just a kid carrying a knife. He could have suspended him but fortunately he saw it for what it was but as he said during the conversation. “We give kids scissors that pose a greater danger than this pocket knife does, yet we a fixated on the knife”.
We have one seriously messed up society when we fabricate danger where this is none.
Comment by Old School Parent — May 14, 2011 @ 5:01 pm
Thank you for this post. I used to walk to school from age 6 and school was about a mile from home. So the neighbourhood kids would walk together. How many kids do we see walking to school on their own today? I also used to roam freely in our neighbourhood looking for friends to play with or bike up and down the streets. How often do we see that today? WHat is happening to our society?
Comment by K5 Learning — May 20, 2011 @ 8:52 am
The at risk mania is an industry onto itself. People make money off of our fears for our children’s safety and the media helps perpetuate this fear.
The good old days are gone and now we live in a sterile bubble
Comment by Old School Parent — May 26, 2011 @ 2:47 pm