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Annie Fox, M.Ed., is an internationally respected parenting expert, award-winning author, and a trusted online adviser for tweens and teens.

Girls’ friendship issues are… HUGE

April 27, 2013

UPDATE (See end of blog for exciting news about my new book.)

Last month I started working on a new girls’ friendship book with awesome illustrator Erica De Chavez.

If you have a daughter, you don’t need me to tell you that girl friendships can be super complicated and fraught with challenges for girls and their moms! When things get sticky, kindness and respect often go missing in action and feelings get hurt all around.

Since 1997, girls from all over the planet have been turning to me for help in navigating their friendship messes. I guess that makes me an expert on social garbage. The girls who email me are tweens and teens. But I thought, if I write a book to help younger girls, maybe they will have easier friendships when they get to middle school. We can always hope, right? But hope is no strategy for making things better. What our girls need are effective tools for managing conflicts. Combine those tools with the self-respect and social courage to use them… now we’re talking about effective strategies for positive change.

Here’s a sneak peek at the book:

She’s a friend snatcher! (from The Girls Q&A Book on Friendship, by Annie Fox, illustrated by Erica De Chavez, © 2014 by Annie Fox and Erica De Chavez. Now available)

Q: Every time me and my friend have a private conversation, this new girl pulls her away. What do I do??

A: I don’t blame you for not wanting your private conversations interrupted. That’s so annoying! It sounds like the new girl has lots of power, but she doesn’t have all the power. If your friend didn’t want to get pulled away she could tell the girl to stop. She hasn’t done that yet. And you haven’t yet told your friend how you’ve been feeling.

Real friends tell each other the truth. Talk to her. You might say something like this: “I don’t like it when ____ pulls you away from me. How come you let her do that?” Then close your mouth and listen to what your friend has to say.

The next time the new girl tries to yank her away, your friend will either stand up for herself or she’ll let herself be yanked. That’s her choice. One more thing you might think about: Why is the new girl snatching your friend? It’s not always easy being the “new girl” who doesn’t have friends yet. I think that would feel LONELY! She probably just wants a friend and doesn’t know a more polite way to make one. Maybe you and your friend could team up with her and be friends together. That could work!

Anyway, the snatching stuff needs to stop. So talk to your friend. If things don’t change, what are you going do? You can either stand there watching the two of them go off together or you can reach out to other girls and make some new friends. You see, you have choices too!

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 Sneak peek #2 and sneak peek #3 of the Girls’ Friendship Q&A Book.

UPDATE: July 22, 2014  After a year in production, The Girls Q&A Book on Friendship will be published by Electric Eggplant in September. Just in time for the new school year and the inevitable friendship drama heading toward your 8–12 year old daughter. Every girl needs friendship support from time to time. My book provides that plus:real world advice for navigating through the “social garbage,” friendship quizzes, and advice from older girls about how to be a Super Friend. If you’d like to preorder The Girls Q&A Book on Friendship for a girl in your life, or you’d just like a personal heads-up when the book is available, email me (Connect@AnnieFox.com).

UPDATE: October 3, 2014 It’s here! The Girls Q&A Book on Friendship: 50 Ways to Fix a Friendship Without the DRAMA is now available in print and on Kindle (the ebook can be read on any device, your mobile phone, tablet, or computer with the free Kindle reader app). Visit GirlsQandA.com for an excerpt, reviews, and to order your copy.

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12 Comments »

  1. Annie – As always you are busy publishing exactly what is needed at just the right time!! And Jackye and I have a granddaughter entering middle school in the fall — perfect timing for us!! Thank you for all you do — things don’t seem to be getting any easier at all out there for our kids, do they?? Hope all is well with you —
    Linda

    Comment by LInda — April 27, 2013 @ 6:44 pm

  2. Interested in your new book on girls and friendships when it is available. Thanks for your wisdom as always Lisa

    Comment by Lisa Gilroy — April 27, 2013 @ 7:21 pm

  3. Love the idea of this book- just spent the evening talking with my 3rd grade daughter about how to handle when friends start talking about other friends (my advice- change the subject, ask them to stop, walk away) and how a good rule is to not talk about someone who is not present. Still working on that myself…

    Comment by Lisa — April 28, 2013 @ 6:29 pm

  4. Woohoo! This post just reinspires me and motivates me to keep on churning out the drama-filled illustrations. Cheers to many more moms and daughters and friends having their interests piqued and their eyes looking out for our new book!

    Comment by Erica DeChavez — April 30, 2013 @ 3:23 pm

  5. Hi Linda, Thank you for your kind words. Yes, I think you and Jackye will enjoy sharing this book with your granddaughter. She’ll learn great friendship lessons for middle school and beyond!

    In friendship,
    Annie

    Comment by Annie — April 30, 2013 @ 5:15 pm

  6. Hi Lisa, I’ll make sure you hear about the new book as soon as it’s available. Wouldn’t it be great if next year there was LESS social garbage in our girls’ lives? I’m working on it!

    Comment by Annie — April 30, 2013 @ 5:18 pm

  7. […] *One book we’re looking forward to checking out ourselves is Annie Fox’s book on girls’ friendship issues, which will be published in September: “What our girls need are effective tools for managing conflicts. Combine those tools with the self-respect and social courage to use them… now we’re talking about effective strategies for positive change,” she wrote in a recent blog. Take a sneak peak at her forthcoming book here. […]

    Pingback by Spark! Great Ideas for Keeping Your Kids Reading All Summer Long | Go Girls! Blog — May 2, 2013 @ 5:44 am

  8. […] Girls’ Friendship Issues Are… HUGE […]

    Pingback by Annie Fox on Girl Friendships | new world dad — May 2, 2013 @ 7:30 am

  9. Hey Erica, Great to see you here! I know you’re as excited as I am to be working on the Girls’ Friendship Book… which is part of what makes your illustrations so dynamic and well… perfect! Thanks for bringing you genius to this project. I am so appreciative. :O)))
    In friendship,
    Annie

    Comment by Annie — May 2, 2013 @ 8:17 am

  10. Thanks for the shout-out, Spark! I’m happy to get you an early review copy in August. Let’s stay in touch!

    Comment by Annie — May 2, 2013 @ 8:19 am

  11. I’d definitely love to know, as I hear from lots of parents of younger and younger girls that friendship issues are such a huge challenge for them.

    Comment by Nicole B. — May 2, 2013 @ 8:58 am

  12. Hi Nicole. Thanks for your interest in my work. Thanks also for the good work you do to help girls in the life journey. I’ll let you know as soon as the book is available.

    Comment by Annie — May 2, 2013 @ 9:23 am

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