We all want to feel welcome

If your kids are moping because summer’s over, have a heart. If last school year had more downs than ups, drop the cheerleader act (“I guarantee this year will be so much better.”) Instead, get real and be on their side.

Every school year brings challenges. Many of them start before Day One. The most common: Getting out the door on time, worrying and making friends. Here’s help for each:

1. Getting up on time. If summer has meant no bedtime, start getting back in gear. If kids balk, tell them they’re in training for the start of school. Which is true. A day or two before the new term begins, put your kids through a “test run” of going to bed, getting up, ready and out the door on time. Monitor the clock, but let the kids do the whole thing. That’s the only way they’ll know how much time they actually need in on school mornings.

2. Dealing with anxiety: Life comes with many unknowns. Worrying about what “might happen,” can easily overwhelm and scare us. Encourage your child to talk about what’s on his/her mind about going back to school. Just listen as you child talks. If what you hear sounds like worrying, do not correct, interrupt or invalidate. Reassure yourself and your child that you will work together to deal with all challenges. Presenting what may come up a “challenge” vs. a “problem” can also help alleviate stress.

3. Making (new) friends: Young children who haven’t had success yet at making friends may feel nervous about trying. The same is true of t(w)eens who have been targeted by peers or dumped by friends. Parents can help younger children by talking with teachers and setting up play dates with especially friendly kids. A little success and confidence in making friends, one-on-one, in a home environment encourages friendship skills at school.

For older kids, try not to hover or you may signal that you are disappointed in your child for not being more popular. Fitting in with peers is a key mission of adolescence. You have to let them build self-confidence and figure out how to find their own friends. What you can do is encourage  participation in after school activities. (Not the same as nagging.) This will give your tween/teen more opportunities to meet kids who share some of their interests. Make sure that you let your child’s interests guide the choice of activity.

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Onward toward launch day, unless your kids are already launched, in which case, I hope they’re gotten off to a great start. More about transitioning back to school later this week.