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Annie Fox, M.Ed., is an internationally respected parenting expert, award-winning author, and a trusted online adviser for tweens and teens.

“My mom is neglecting her role as a parent!”

April 6, 2016

Attention must be paid

Attention must be paid… when they’re little and when they’re teens.

From today’s IN BOX, a letter from a teen who blames her mom for her falling grades and friendship issues. Fair or unfair? Read on…

Hey Annie,

My mom is incredibly busy at work and she just remarried. I’m 17 years old, but I still need her support and attention. If I try to ask her to listen to me for a minute or if I ask her for anything at all, she gets angry and annoyed, and I get a lecture and punishment. 

My grades are going down, I’m losing my friends, people have started rumors about me, and I feel incredibly depressed. All these are consequences of my mom neglecting her role as a parent. 

How can I get her attention without her getting agitated? – Neglected Teen

Dear Neglected Teen,

I’m sorry you are feeling so neglected at home. You know what you need and it sounds like you are not getting it from your mom. That happens. Sometimes kids (of all ages) wish they could get more attention, more understanding, more acceptance from their parents. On the flip side, some kids want less of certain behaviors from their parents (less criticism, less anger, less annoyance, fewer lectures.)

You say your mom gets “angry and annoyed” when you try to talk to her about this. Maybe she lashes out because she feels like you’re attacking her for not being a good mom. I’m not saying it is okay for her to treat you this way. It’s definitely not. I am simply offering a possible explanation to help you understand what might be going on with her, so you do not take it personally.

I am sure you are an awesome girl. And I understand that it hurts you when your mom acts too “busy” to give you what you need. I understand that it can cause you to doubt yourself. But here’s something to think about: You are 17 years old. At some point in everyone’s life we stop waiting for our parents to do things for us. At some point we must take care of ourselves and create close relationships with other people who can give us the support and understanding we need.

Maybe now is the beginning of that time for you. Instead of continuing to let your mother’s “neglect” upset you and bring you down, how about looking elsewhere for the support and positive attention you need? You deserve it. You might start by talking with your school counselor about what’s going on inside. You will find support there.

In friendship,
Annie

Filed under: Parenting — Tags: , , , — Annie @ 6:48 pm
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1 Comment »

  1. You’re so right that if kids are feeling like they need more support they should go and get it elsewhere. I just hope they go somewhere safe and not choose the wrong supports, like gangs. I so want to be that person that is a safe harbour for a young person. Thanks for your letter to Annie!

    Comment by Rachel — April 13, 2016 @ 1:17 am

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