Annie Fox's Blog...

Thoughts about teens, tweens, parenting and this adventure of living on Earth in the 21st century.

Annie Fox, M.Ed., is an internationally respected parenting expert, award-winning author, and a trusted online adviser for tweens and teens.

$#!T happened. Don’t be discouraged.

November 9, 2016

$#!t happened here yesterday. It happens around the world every day so it shouldn’t be a shock. But it is.

We can be thoughtless and disrespectful. Cruel and violent. We can be so easily conned. We often are.

We can build walls. We often do.



We can also be generous and inclusive, caring and helpful. We can tear down walls. We can build bridges. We can break through to the other side. We often do.

In order to form a more perfect union we have worked together very successfully. In the past fifty years, we have marched for and worked for and fought for social justice. We have achieved remarkable progress. We have done it in the name of liberty and justice for all. We have done it in the name of love.

Yesterday, we voted to let ignorance and fear of “other” stop the progress.


We have so much more work to do.

We are profoundly saddened by this setback. We are confused, disappointed and frustrated. Cry if you need to. Vent. Hunker down for a while. Eat copious amounts of fair trade dark chocolate. Do whatever will be helpful in the short term to regain your balance. But do not be discouraged. Our children are counting on us not to give up.

Love trumps hate.

When you’re ready, let’s get back to work. We are in this together.

Filed under: Parenting,Politics — Tags: , — Annie @ 7:45 am


  1. Thank you Annie! Well said!

    Comment by Lynnee — November 9, 2016 @ 8:24 am

  2. I keep returning to this post. I’m willing to try anything to move forward. I am still very afraid.

    Comment by Laurie — November 9, 2016 @ 8:51 am

  3. You’re welcome, Lynnee. I wish you and your family well. The way we communicate these results to our children is very important. Demonizing anyone is not helpful. Neither is wishing for a different outcome. We have to accept what just happened… learn from it… control the only thing we can control… our own choices.

    Comment by Annie — November 9, 2016 @ 9:19 am

  4. Laurie, you don’t need me to tell you that fear can be a powerful motivator. So can anger. We saw both encouraged strongly during the campaign and reflected in the election results. Fear and anger can motivate us in many directions. The challenge, at every moment, is to manage those destabilizing emotions and act in ways that are helpful. Today, Laurie, what can you do, to calm your fears (which I totally share)? What you do is more important than how you feel.

    Comment by Annie — November 9, 2016 @ 9:20 am

  5. Annie,

    I travel – a lot. And, because I saw the TRUMP/PENCE signs sprinkled more and more throughout the country this Fall- I was not surprised by the results. I just wish that we had a campaign of issues vs. venom. We taught our kids very little, if nothing of value other than life can have disappointments and we need to regroup and cope.

    Also, an invaluable lesson for all of us in the media world.

    Comment by Louise Sattler — November 9, 2016 @ 9:49 am

  6. Definitely there will be a lot to do… not sure what it will be yet. Thanks for your kind and important message. Need to wallow for a few days first though, I think.

    Comment by Melissa — November 9, 2016 @ 9:57 am

  7. Living in San Francisco, Bubble Town, we never saw one. Of course, you’re right, Louise. Life deals out disappointments. It’s what we do the day after and the day after that, that makes all the difference.

    Comment by Annie — November 9, 2016 @ 9:58 am

  8. From my external point of view, I am still wondering why so many people decided to vote him. I don’t know, or probably is because I’m not living in the USA, but I don’t understand the reason.

    Anyway, as you have written, now it’s the time to vent, but don’t be discuraged and regain the trust in the mankind.

    We had Berlusconi, but not forever. Time changes things.

    I think this election will impact the whole world, not only USA. I join your pains, let’s hope in a new president, in 4 years.

    Hugs from Italy

    Comment by Zak — November 9, 2016 @ 10:01 am

  9. Hi Melissa. It is a colossal mind shift for many of us. We assumed most of us would reject “Build the Wall!” and the rest of the negativity. We who thought that were wrong. It’s normal to take time to let the shock waves pass. Our essential character-building work with kids continues. It is needed now, more than ever.

    Comment by Annie — November 9, 2016 @ 10:08 am

  10. Dear Zak, Thank you for your supportive words. I appreciate it.
    Fear + Ignorance + Frustration make for volatile political environments where demagogues emerge and scapegoat “Other” and their message of hate is eagerly swallowed. It has happened again and again throughout history, on every continent… fascist states, totalitarian governments, supreme rulers of all stripes rise to power. We will all learn from this. And, in time, we will become a more equitable society.

    Comment by Annie — November 9, 2016 @ 10:17 am

  11. Hi Annie-
    Like you, I’m a human service professional who writes a blog. A couple of weeks ago, I broke down and did a Trump post – talking about how his non-apology/apology about the Access Hollywood video was a perfect example to kids about how not to take responsibility. I had to think long and hard before I posted it, realizing that it’s probably a good way to scare off some clients. Then I had two thoughts that led me to post it – 1) I live in Massachusetts and there’s not a huge undiscovered base of potential clients who are Trump supporters and 2) To hell with it anyway. Some things are more important that marketing.

    So – all this is to say thanks for your post. Keep fighting the good fight. I’m going to take a few days to stew in my anger and disappointment and then come back more energized than before.

    Comment by Bruce Sabian — November 9, 2016 @ 10:30 am

  12. Thanks—Annie. This does help. The bully may have won, but we must stand up to him. He doesn’t define us. Our kids must learn to stand up for what is good in this world.

    Comment by Tony Weber — November 9, 2016 @ 10:39 am

  13. Hi Bruce, I’m proud of you for writing that post about teaching kids to take responsibility. Learning by negative example can be very powerful! The Access Hollywood garbage inspired me to write a similarly themed post “How Not To Apologize”

    I’m also proud of your decision to post it in spite of any potential loss of clients. I’m totally with you. Sometime you just have to say what needs to be said and to hell with it. Being liked isn’t as important as being a person of integrity.

    Comment by Annie — November 9, 2016 @ 10:42 am

  14. Thanks for this, Annie. I needed to hear all of it — perhaps especially the permission to grieve and vent. Thank you, too, for all you do to bring kindness and warmth to the world. It’s the existence of people like you who give me hope.

    Comment by Rae Pica — November 9, 2016 @ 10:53 am

  15. Hi Rae, I’m so glad to hear that something I wrote was something you needed. We are here for each other. Not only in challenging times, like this. I believe we are, literally, here for each other, in the sense that it is WHY we are here. Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate it. Be well.

    Comment by Annie — November 9, 2016 @ 11:44 am

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