With all the Back to School sales, where do you get new friends? I recently got this email from a teen who’s dealing with family stuff and major friendship challenges.

Hey Terra,

My grandpa died recently. I loved him so much. Now I feel like I have no one to turn to because my friends don’t seem to care. At first they helped me cope with my grandpa’s death but now they hardly speak to me.  My mind’s all over the place. I’ve never felt this vulnerable or lonely. And school starts next week! How can I try and make new friends?

All Alone

Lean on me

Dear All Alone,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your grandfather. This is a sad time for your family. Hold each other close and help each other through the heartache.

As for your friends, they care about you. But maybe they’re afraid they’ll say the “wrong thing” and upset you, so they believe it’s safer not to talk to you at all. (Fear doesn’t usually make us smarter or kinder.) When it comes to a major life changes like death, divorce, illness, injury, kids and adults often a) pretend nothing happened and/or b) avoid the person who really needs support. I understand what you’re going through. My dad died when I was 15 and my friends were as awkward and unhelpful as yours. You want and deserve more support. But where can you get it? Your parents? Siblings? Cousins? Yes! You’ve all lost Grandpa and you all have shared memories of him. Talk to family members about how “vulnerable,” “lonely” and sad you’ve been feeling.

You can also make new friends. The start of school is a great time for mixing things up and reaching out to new people. Think about what you’re looking for in a friend. For example, what’s important to you when it comes to friendship?  Make a couple of real lists on the computer or better yet, on paper. On one, describe the personality traits you most admire in a real friend. On the other, describe the kind of friend you are. In other words, what are your best “friendship” traits? When you’re done with both lists start “shopping.” Keep your mind and heart open, be friendly, and you will find new friends.

Good luck and have a great school year.

In friendship,
Terra (aka Annie)