Annie Fox's Blog...

Thoughts about teens, tweens, parenting and this adventure of living on Earth in the 21st century.

Annie Fox, M.Ed., is an internationally respected parenting expert, award-winning author, and a trusted online adviser for tweens and teens.

Days 6 & 7: I’m not annoyed, dammit! I’m frustrated!

June 14, 2009

You want to stake us? We don't think so.

You want to stake us? We don't think so.

They were so cute when I brought them home. And so cooperative when I tucked them in. First lining their beds with just the right amount of $14-a-box-organic-plant-food. They never struggled or popped up making demands. They just smiled up at me as if to say, “It’s so reassuring to be in the hands of someone who knows what she’s doing.” And when I went back at the end of each day to water them and admire their progress… they seemed to take it in stride. Not a whit of arrogance.

But then over the past few weeks as the weather’s turned warmer, I’ve notice a certain cheekiness that wasn’t there before. Not that I mentioned it to anyone (because I’m not that kind of gardener) but it had become obvious that my tomato plants were getting too big for their cages. They were falling all over each other, creeping onto the path, tripping visitors and generally showing no consideration for anyone.

Clearly I needed to teach them some manners and that required lots of gardening tape and bamboo stakes. A simple enough job, I thought. Ha! Getting down on my hands and knees at the base of the largest plant, it was obvious that I’d given them free-rein for too long. What a chaotic jumble of stems and leaves! Impossible to sort out and stake them properly.

During the first two minutes I saw the futility of the task and started grumbling, “This is so annoying.” But then I perked up. “Oh good! I can blog about it!” But the truth is, I wasn’t annoyed because, for me, annoyance is about my response to someone else’s behavior. The tomato plants weren’t actually doing anything to me or consciously thwarting my efforts at tidiness. So, in my book, my staking failures weren’t an annoyance. Something else was going on. When I can’t effectively do what I’m attempting… parallel park, getting my computer to move faster, unlocking the font door lock so I can get inside quickly to pee… that’s not annoyance… it’s unmitigated frustration.

If you can’t see the difference, then that’s annoying. Or… maybe it’s frustrating.

Filed under: Annoyance Challenge,Parenting,Teens — Tags: , , — Annie @ 10:58 am
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For Parents: When life gives you lemons

December 15, 2008

Lemon bars for everyone!

Lemon bars for everyone!

Last spring I extolled the virtues of my lemon tree… particularly its knack for living out all the chapters of its life simultaneously. Can you imagine having to deal with the mishigas of your own childhood, adolescence, sexual prime, pregnancy, middle age, decline and death all at once?! And yet, when it’s April in Lemon Land, it’s all happening and it’s all good.

But now it’s December. Different story. Here in planting Zone 8b, the entire tree is synched up to its “Pick me NOW!!” mode.

I love living off the land. Like most backyard gardeners, there are times we eat our homegrown tomatoes for breakfast, lunch and dinner. We praise Demeter and offer tomato-scented incense in her name. And at the end of the summer we’re grateful to swim in peaches and apples too. But keeping pace with a bumper crop of lemons is just not that easy.

It’s true that lemons have tons of non-eating uses like: bringing out your hair’s blond highlights, polishing chrome, keeping guacomole green, and providing your garbage disposal with a refreshing chaser after you’ve stuffed it with moldy onions. But let’s face it, lemons are food. And when it comes to stuff that I’ve grown, I really hate wasting it.

So, yesterday, when we got word that David’s band concert was rained out, Ezra and Sarah, Mr. Trombone and I decided to have some fun while seriously reducing our lemon footprint. Because we’re foodies, we agreed that it was perfect baking weather. An online visit to Food Network yielded this recipe for lemon bars. Not only has it received an average rating of 5 out of 5 stars from 110 people, it calls for a whole cup of lemon juice! In case you’re wondering, we had to sacrifice 13 large lemons to the cause. The worms in my bin got the peels and if they turn into blonds, I’ll know why.

So there we were, cozy in the kitchen, happily grating, measuring, pouring, scraping and rolling. We also cooperated, speculated, communicated, brain-stormed, problem-solved, and laughed. And yes, later on we ate.

This recipe gets a solid 5 stars for taste. 5 stars for an excellent use of lots of otherwise purposeless lemons. And (most important) 5 stars for providing us with a blueprint for a fun time together.

So what did we learn? Couple of things, actually. When you’re faced with a thick-skinned problem, instead of complaining, minimizing, wishing it would just go away or pretending that it is so not a problem for you, just get in that sucker’s face. Peel it down to its essence. Squeeze the life out of it. Then add a bunch of sugar and enjoy.

Pretty sweet stuff!

Clearly, the Lemon Law applies to anything you may view as a problem, present time or upcoming. Take the upcoming Winter Break. This one is longer than most as school doesn’t resume until January 5th. Maybe you’re starting to think of those days upon days of family time as a problem… or is it? Here’s a free suggestion, meaning that you’re free to ignore it: Have a family meeting in advance of the holidays. Turn off cell phones and open the floor to suggestions of how the family might spend some of that free time. Stay at the table until you’ve all agreed on at least two fun things to do together during the holidays – maybe one traditional activity that everyone enjoys plus one off-the-wall new idea.

Having more unstructured stress-free time together is good for families. It’s also what we wish we had more of during the school year, right? Well, now’s your chance to orchestrate some fun.

Good luck and let me know how it went.

Enjoy!

Filed under: Holidays,Parenting,Tips — Tags: , , , — Annie @ 5:17 pm
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