Annie Fox's Blog...

Thoughts about teens, tweens, parenting and this adventure of living on Earth in the 21st century.

Annie Fox, M.Ed., is an internationally respected parenting expert, award-winning author, and a trusted online adviser for tweens and teens.

Fifth grader wants to know: How do I get my BFF back?!

October 29, 2014

I met Beth Engleman (@Momonastring) back in 2002 when we worked together on a project at LeapFrog. Smart woman. Quick to smile. Liked her immediately. Twelve years later she’s rocking it out at MommyOnAShoeString.com.

Last Friday Beth kindly hosted a stop on The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship blog tour and challenged me with sticky questions from 4th-7th graders. This one touched my heart:

Is this really the end?

Is this really the end?

M: I am in 5th grade and my best friend since 1st grade is now hanging out with a new girl who moved to our school this year. They often don’t include me. What should I do to get my BFF back?

Annie: It can be very upsetting when someone you were once so close to now acts like the friendship isn’t important. It can be disappointing and confusing when a friend doesn’t treat you with the care and respect you deserve. It can also hurt when someone “new” shows up and seems to be taking your place in your friend’s heart.

You seem to think that you can do something to get your BFF “back.” Maybe if you had a magic wand and a handy spell you might be able to turn the friendship back to the way it was. That would be cool, but that’s not going to happen. You don’t need me to tell you that there are no such things as wands and spells. Your friend has her own thoughts and feelings and there is nothing you can do to get her to “include” you unless she chooses to do it! 

But even without magic, you are not powerless. There are always options for improving a situation, especially for lightening up the heavy way you feel right now. You are hurting. You may also be feeling jealous (of the new girl) and/or lonely. If your goal is to feel better, then you could talk to your friend (privately and calmly… you don’t need an audience or any drama). You might say something like this, “I really miss hanging out with you. I miss the good times we used to have. I feel left out when you and _____ do stuff without me.” That’s the truth and it is often empowering to speak the truth. Saying the words will give your friend something to think about. If the friendship grows stronger, then it was a good thing that you spoke up for yourself. If things between you do not change and the girls continue not including you, then it was still good that you spoke up. Now you know that you deserve to be treated with respect. Take what you’ve learned and be on the look-out for new friends. Good luck!

Check out the rest of Beth’s Q’s and my A’s and the rest of the blog tour.

50 Ways to Fix a Friendship without the DRAMA

50 Ways to Fix a Friendship without the DRAMA

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Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship Blog Tour

October 13, 2014

Let’s talk about reality. What is real? Girls’ friendship issues are real. So is the damage they can cause.

The Girls' Q&A Book on Friendship. Up with compassion and social courage. Down with social garbage.

The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship. Up with compassion and social courage. Down with social garbage.

The Girls’ Q&A Book on Friendship: 50 Ways to Fix a Friends without the DRAMA is also real. I wrote it. Erica De Chavez illustrated it, brilliantly. And it’s now available in print and on Kindle. No Kindle? No problem. It can be downloaded and read beautifully on anything, except maybe a microwave. If you’re not in the US, you can get the book on whatever Amazon site you usually shop on. My desire to criss-cross the world helping girls with their friendship challenges is real.  So is the need to reduce the social garbage kids slog through daily, online and off. My book can make things better for tweens and the adults who care about them. But alas, I had no budget for plane fares, hotels, food (and I do like to eat). Life is not virtual, but book tours can be. So… I got a virtual bus…

Girls' Q&A Book Blog Tour Bus. Fueled by good will and good friendship strategies. Zero carbon emissions.

Girls’ Q&A Book Blog Tour Bus. Fueled by good  friendship strategies. Zero social garbage emissions.

Last week I hit the virtual road answering real friendship questions and letting girls and parents and teachers know that when it comes to curtailing the spread of Mean Girl Disease, we can do better. Here’s my itinerary… Pop in any time. I hope to see you and your girls. And don’t worry about expired dates. I’m still there. Ah… the beauty of virtual existence.

December 10th>Deborah Gilboa’s blog at AskDrG.Com

December 5th>“What Really Matters” podcast at VickyandJen.com

November 19th>Amy Fortney Parks’ blog at Wise-EdServices.com

November 18>Sarah Newton’s blog at SarahNewton.org

November 13>Amy Jussel’s blog at ShapingYouth.org

November 7th>Nuala O’Hanlon’s blog at KeystoneCreations.com.au

November 5th>Megan Hunter’s blog at UnhookedMedia.com

November 3rd>Vicky Thornton and Jen Rehberger’s blog at VickyAndJen.blogspot.com

October 29th>Wendy Morelli’s blog at Tweenhood.ca

October 27th>Janine Hallorin’s blog at EncouragePlay.com

October 24th>Deborah McNelis’s blog at BrainInsights.blogspot.com

October 23rd>Beth Engleman’s blog at MommyOnAShoestring.com

October 20th>Jean Tracy’s blog at ParentingSkillsBlog.com

October 17th> Drawp blog at Drawp.it

October 16th> Louise Masin Sattler’s blog at LouiseSattler.me

October 15th> Beth Onufrak’s blog at DrBethKids.com

October 13th> Carl Grody’s blog at GrodyFamilyCounseling.com

October 13th> Wendy Young’s blog  at Kidlutions.com

October 13th> Erin Harris’ blog at CrisisPrevention.com

October 10th> Sarah Newton’s blog at SarahNewton.com

October 10th> Dr. Amy Alamar’s blog at Parenting for the Genius

October 6th> Dr. Kimberly Palmiotto’s blog at Coastal Education Services

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If you have friendship questions, post them to COMMENTS and I’ll answer them here. No reason my own blog shouldn’t be part of the blog tour too!

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