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Thoughts about teens, tweens, parenting and this adventure of living on Earth in the 21st century.

Annie Fox, M.Ed., is an internationally respected parenting expert, award-winning author, and a trusted online adviser for tweens and teens.

How to have The Talk (about Trump) with your kids

September 16, 2016

You don't like me? Get the hell outta here!

You don’t like me? Get the hell outta here!

Sweetie, I want to talk to you about the election. Please don’t roll your eyes. I know your dad and I watch a lot of political news coverage. The first Presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump is on September 26th and we’ll be glued to the TV for that, too. (And to the other two Presidential debates and for the Vice Presidential debate, too.) No worries, we’ll be ordering out for pizza on those days.

It may seem like we are obsessed with what’s going on in this campaign. That’s pretty close to the truth. Elections are very important. Presidential elections are especially important.

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are running for President of the United States. That may be the most important job in the whole world. Part of the job is knowing how to treat people with respect.

Our responsibility as American citizens is to inform ourselves about the issues and where each candidate stands on those issues. We have to learn as much as we can about the kind of person each candidate is. We do all of this so we will feel confident when it is time to vote on November 8th, that we are making the best choice for our country. When you are eighteen, this responsibility will be yours as well.

You’ve heard me muttering at the TV when Donald Trump is on the screen. Maybe even cursing a few times. Just to put your mind at ease, I really do know that he can’t hear me. Not that he’d listen if he could, but that’s beside the point. No, actually, that may be a large part of the point I want to make. Donald Trump is a man who doesn’t listen to anyone who’s not telling him how wonderful he is.  Remember that assembly you had a school about bullying? Remember how you learned that put-downs are not OK. That’s the #1 rule for how to treat people. Donald Trump is very rich and he likes to tell people that he has a “very large brain.” Even if that were true, it doesn’t mean he is better than anyone else. It doesn’t mean the rules of how to treat people don’t apply to him.

Donald Trump doesn’t care about the rules. He has repeatedly put-down, insulted, cursed at, mocked, demeaned, and threatened people. That includes women, African Americans, Latinos, Muslims, immigrants, LGBT people, his Republican opponents, as well as Hillary Clinton, journalists, judges, our President, our generals, our allies, just to name a few.

As you can see, there are a lot of people Donald Trump doesn’t seem to like and he believes he has the right to disrespect anyone at any time.

Of course nobody likes everybody. There are kids in your class you say you like and some that you don’t. That’s normal. But you know, in our family, we do our best to always treat people with respect. We’ve taught you that if you don’t like or agree with someone, you have the right to keep your distance, but you do not ever have the right to be rude or disrespectful.

What’s that you ask? Why is Donald Trump so rude to so many people? I honestly don’t know. But if you asked him, he’d probably say you got it all wrong. He’d deny he said any of the things he actually said. He’d blame what you heard on “crooked” reporters (That’s his way of calling someone a liar.). He’d say that Hillary Clinton is the one who’s rude and disrespectful. He’d insist that he actually loves all of those people and they all love him.

When Donald Trump insults someone then turns around and says, “I never said that” it can be very confusing. But as voters we have to work through the confusion. Dad and I have done that. Here’s what we’ve discovered: Donald Trump says whatever he wants to get whatever he wants whether it’s true or not. Whether it is hurtful or not. It doesn’t matter to him. He’s fine with put-downs.

That’s not fine with us.

In case you’re wondering, your Dad and I will not be voting for Donald Trump. We’re voting for Hillary Clinton.

 

 

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Despite what you’re seeing, Americans are not filled with hate

March 11, 2016

Open letter to all people of good will living outside the United States:

hate (2)If you have been shocked and dismayed by what’s happening at Donald Trump campaign rallies, so have millions of Americans. Mr. Trump’s racist, anti-Muslim, sexist, anti-immigrant rhetoric and the violence he insights has appalled us. We are deeply troubled by and frightened at the possibility of a Trump presidency. But instead of soul-searching and doing the societal work to reduce racism and xenophobia in America, we’ve simply scratched our heads and asked: What the hell is going on with these Trump supporters that they are so filled with hate? I’ve asked myself that question repeatedly as Trump rally assaults continue. But I won’t be asking it any more. It’s a meaningless question.

To be “filled with hate” implies that nothing but hate exists within a person. We all have the seeds of hate within us. We also have a lot more. We are at the affect of an ever-changing mix of emotions that can, in an instant, turn a rational, cooperative person into a raging monster. We know this is true. We’ve seen it happen in ourselves. We’ve all, at times, been so filled with anger and resentment and so blinded by fear and ignorance we have wished another harm. We might have even felt so pushed over the edge that we acted on those feelings with ugly words and clenched fists.

There is no  excuse or justification for violence. Our only hope is understanding how emotions affect us so we can learn to manage them without resorting to violence. That is our greatest human challenge.

Here in America, many of us have taken up this challenge within ourselves. We are also working to educate our children in the ways of non-violence. Undoubtedly, you are doing the same work.  Wish us well in this endeavor. We wish you the same. Our shared humanity depends on it.

Filed under: Parenting — Tags: , , , — Annie @ 11:29 am
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You’ve got to be taught to hate

March 3, 2016

The list of Racist Things that Have Happened at Trump Rallies grows like weeds in manure. With fear and loathing I watch what Trump encourages his followers to do.  As a Jew, I wonder when these bullies will put on their brown shirts. I wonder what it will take to wake-up the media and the community of the open-minded. Are we there yet? Or will it take more violence at one of these rallies? A murder perhaps? Think that will do it?

Where do white supremacists with their anti-Muslim, anti-immigrant, antieveryone but my kind rhetoric learn their lessons of hate?

You've got to be taught to hate and fear.

You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear.

“You’ve Got to be Carefully Taught” is a cage-rattling song from the musical South Pacific. Written in 1949, the song openly examines racial intolerance and its power to divide us. The producers tried to ax it from the show. Fortunately, they didn’t win that argument.

Anyway, here are the lyrics. Find it on YouTube. Powerful stuff:

You’ve got to be taught
To hate and fear,
You’ve got to be taught
From year to year,
It’s got to be drummed
In your dear little ear
You’ve got to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made,
And people whose skin is a diff’rent shade,
You’ve got to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate,
You’ve got to be carefully taught!

Just curious, how are you talking to your kids about what’s going on? And while we’re thinking about prejudice, what take-away lessons did you got from your parents when it came to how to treat people who are different from you? In what ways are you transmitting the same or different messages to your kids? As always, your comments are welcome.

Filed under: Parenting — Tags: , , — Annie @ 3:49 pm
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