Annie Fox's Blog...

Thoughts about teens, tweens, parenting and this adventure of living on Earth in the 21st century.

Annie Fox, M.Ed., is an internationally respected parenting expert, award-winning author, and a trusted online adviser for tweens and teens.

Get the behavior you want without being the parent you hate

December 10, 2014

My name is Annie Fox and I endorse this book!

I’m Annie Fox and I approve this message!

I read lots of parenting books, but only recommend the top notch. That means they deliver pragmatic advice in small, well-organized, chunks of digestible wisdom. No big chunks, please. Who’s got the time? It helps a lot if the book’s tone is so engaging I can imagine the author talking to me over a cup of coffee. Also, it’s a good thing if the descriptions of parent-child interactions are so spot-on I’m chuckling and misting over throughout. (Yes, a good parenting book is as likely to make me cry as it is to have me laughing and calling out to David, “Sweetie, you’ve gotta hear this!”)  Added requirement for any great parenting book: I have to learn something new. Not so easy because, as I said, I read loads of them.

For all the above reasons, I’m happy to recommend Dr. Deborah Gilboa’s latest book, Get the Behavior You Want Without Being the Parent You Hate. Before I tell you what I learned, let me tell you who needs this book – Any parent who has ever wondered if there’s a better way to get your child to:

1. Brush his/her teeth

2. Get along better with siblings

3. Quit whining about being “booooorrrrreeeed” and learn to manage their free time creatively

4. Do something you require without your constant nagging

… plus fifty other things that kids need to learn in order to be become respectful, responsible, and resilient young adults.

Dr. Gilboa, aka @AskDocG, is a practicing family physician, and a parenting expert. She’s also the mom of four boys who,  have apparently brought her to edge of sanity more than once. In the book’s introduction she admits that she has “nagged, yelled at, threatened, and guilted my children to try to get them to behave well. Not all of the time, and usually not on purpose, but, just like many parents, I’ve done all this and more. Not only do I feel really horrible about it afterwards, but (and here is the kicker) it doesn’t work.” So you see, Doc G is also honest, humble and funny. What’s not to like?

Listen to my podcast interview with Doc G.

As for what I learned from Get the Behavior You Want… it came from section 5: What you do is more important than what you feel. Think about it for a minute. Most of the time we mindful parents do our best to get our children in touch with their feelings. “How do you feel now, sweetheart?” “And how did what he said this morning make you feel?” “How do you think you’ll feel about that tomorrow?” The message to kids: how they feel is pretty much the most important thing. Doc G points out that feelings are important, but they should not be accepted as an excuse for poor behavior. Something parents do all the time!

We do it when we say, “Oh, she’s just in a bad mood.” “He’s had a hard day.” “She’s overtired.” Doc G teaches that we need to help our kids become accountable for their behavior. And we can accomplish that by empathizing with our kids’ feelings (“I understand why that made you angry….”) while still sticking with our standards of behavior (“….but biting is totally unacceptable in this family. And here’s the consequence for the doing it…”)

It’s not always easy for an unhappy, overtired child to accept responsibility for his or her actions, but parenting is all about clear standards and consistent responses, isn’t it?

Thanks, Doc G!

Try making this shift in the way you deal with unacceptable behavior from your kids and let me know how it goes.

 

---------

Free Kindle Download of “Teaching Kids to Be Good People”

December 28, 2012

''Teaching Kids to Be Good People'' by Annie Fox, M.Ed., FREE for December 28-30, 2012

FREE download for December 28-30, 2012, ''Teaching Kids to Be Good People'' by Annie Fox, M.Ed.

Today (12/28) through Sunday (12/30), we’re giving away the Kindle version of my new parenting book Teaching Kids to Be Good People: Progressive Parenting for the 21st Century.

On December 28–30, 2012 only, you can get your own FREE Kindle version of my book right here.

No Kindle? No problem. Download the ebook anyway because you can read it just fine on your PC, Mac, iPod Touch, iPhone, iPad, Android, Blackberry, and Windows Phone 7 with Amazon’s free Kindle Reader app.

Not in the US? Here are the Amazon links for Canada, UK, Australia, Brazil, FranceGermany, Italy, Japan, Spain

Please accept this ebook as my gift to you and your family. Interested in the print edition? Learn more here.

Best wishes for a happy, healthy New Year, from our home to yours.

---------

Free Kindle Download of Teaching Kids to Be Good People

October 18, 2012

''Teaching Kids to Be Good People'' by Annie Fox, M.Ed., FREE for October 18-19, 2012

FREE download for October 18-19, 2012, ''Teaching Kids to Be Good People'' by Annie Fox, M.Ed.,

My new parenting book Teaching Kids to Be Good People: Progressive Parenting for the 21st Century is receiving enthusiastic reviews. (Always so gratifying after all that work!) To celebrate the book’s launch, and to thank you for your support and ongoing interest in my work…

On October 18 & 19, 2012 only, you can get your own FREE Kindle version of my book right here.

It’s a gift. No Kindle? No problem! Take the gift anyway. You can read the book just fine on your Mac, PC, iPod Touch, iPad, iPhone, Android, Blackberry, and Windows Phone 7 with this free Kindle Reader app.

I’m confident Teaching Kids to Be Good Peoplewill become an inspirational guide for socially conscious parents and teachers everywhere. Please accept my gift to you and your family.

---------

Prime Parenting Objective: Teaching Kids to Be Good People

October 4, 2012

''Teaching Kids to Be Good People'' by Annie Fox, M.Ed.

A very personal, practical, funny guide to challenging the culture of cruelty

The gestation, labor, and heavy pushing are over! On October 3rd at 4:12 PM Teaching Kids to Be Good People was born, you can get your own Kindle version of my book right here. No Kindle? No problem! You can read the book just fine on your Mac, PC, iPod Touch, iPad, iPhone, Android, Blackberry, and Windows Phone 7 with this free Kindle Reader app. Or you can get the print edition here.

Why does anyone write a book? Serious writing can I can seriously tie your brain in knots so why go through that? I can only speak for myself. Part of it is for the glory. (I’m being honest because it’s the only way I know how to write.) When I hold one of my book and I read (great) reviews, I’m thrilled. And for that moment, I’m proud of what I’ve produced. I’m feeling that way now.

After 15 years of answering teen email, I’m convinced that many kids are missing the piece that motivates them to do the right thing. When their education primarily comes from their equally clueless peers, they’re in trouble. And so are we all. That’s why I wrote the book and why you need to read it. Our kids need us to help them develop a moral compass. And we need to do a much better job teaching them how.

Not all teachers are parents, but all parents are teachers. That’s convenient since positive character traits are teachable skills that need to be learned at home as well as at school. When we teach kids to be good people, we help the world become a safer, saner, more accepting place for all of us.

How do you define a “good person?” That’s precisely what I wanted to find out, so I crowdsourced the answer from hundreds of parents, therapists, counselors, educators and teens. Eight concepts kept reappearing in their thoughtful replies:  Emotional intelligence, ethics, help, forgiveness, compassion, empathy, acceptance, and social courage—all essential, teachable skills. Teaching Kids to Be Good People will help you teach these skills to your children and/or your students. Hopefully, you will become so engaged in this process that you will inspire all the kids in your life to consciously choose to be kinder to one another.

I think of it as doing my bit for world peace. Does that work for you?

---------
Older Posts »
Find Annie Fox: Find Annie on Facebook Find Annie on Twitter Find Annie on Pinterest Find Annie on YouTube Find Annie on Google+ Find Annie on LinkedIn Find Annie on Goodreads Find Annie on Quora