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September 29, 2014
 Kids and Tech… a natural paring. What’s a parent’s role? I’ve got something really special going on this week. Something I’ve never done before, but I know it’ll be cool and you can be part of it. (Yes, I received compensation from Microsoft related to this post, but that doesn’t make it any less cool!)
On Thursday (October 2nd) at 11 AM I’m joining forces with @MicrosoftStore for a special Talk n Tech event at the Microsoft Store in The Village in Corte Madera, CA.
You know how committed I am to helping 21st century kids make good choices, online and off. That’s why the Microsoft Store is such an ideal venue for a community Talk n Tech event.
So c’mon down. Bring a friend. I’d love to meet you. We’ll tour the store together, get a demo of Surface Pro 3, ask tough questions, and discuss the unique benefits and challenges of raising and educating kids in the digital age.
Oh, and there’s going to be a RAFFLE! At noon, immediately after the store event, five lucky fans will win a delicious free lunch at The Cheesecake Factory (compliments of Microsoft). So we’ll be having lunch together this Thursday. Seated around a cozy table, we’ll continue a private parenting Q&A session where you can ask me anything. Can’t wait!
Hope to see you Thursday at 11 AM in Corte Madera.
July 16, 2014
 Who gets to break my heart without my permission? Breaking up is hard to do. And painful. Hopefully, though, there were good times before the relationship tanked, so at least you’ve got some happy memories. On the other hand, if you’re obsessed with someone who was never nice to you, well, that’s just pain on pain. No one needs that.
Recently got an email from a girl in that dark place. Read on…
My heart aches for him and I really want to move, but I find myself checking his instagram, facebook, and all other social media just to see him. I cant let go, even though I want to so bad. I’m torn between wanting him to want me and wanting to forget about him completely. It’s been almost a year. I just hate this obsession. What do I do? –So Stuck
Dear So Stuck,
The truth may hurt, but I’ve got to say it anyway. This guy doesn’t care about you, That’s the way it is. You may wish things were different, but all the wishing in the Known Universe and beyond will not change fact.
Here’s something else that’s true: You deserve someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him. This guy is not The One. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you will find The One (Maybe during this coming school year! There’s an exciting thought!)
In the meantime, you’ve got to stop checking up on this guy. It’s a total waste of the summer and, more important, it’s bringing you down. You have gotten into an unhealthy habit here, but you can get back in control. Here’s how:
1. Make an agreement with yourself to stop stalking him.
2. Whenever you get the thought, “I’ll just check his instagram, FB, etc.” notice that thought.
3. Imagine the device you’re holding is burning hot. Get your hands off the darn thing right now this minute!
4. Close your eyes and BREATHE mindfully. Inhale slowly and evenly through your nose. Then relax your jaw and exhale, slowly and evenly through your mouth. Repeat 5 times….. S-L-O-W-L-Y.
5. Did you do it? If not, what are you waiting for? Do it now.
6. After breathing, the urge to “check on him” should be less intense. If not, breathe some more. If it is less, congrats! You got yourself back in control. Well done. You know how to do this. And you’ll probably get lots of practice. Whenever you feel the urge to check up on him, think “Fire!!! Will not get burned again. Hands up! Breathe…”
7. Go do something you enjoy. Something away from the phone or computer with people you like who like you back.
I hope this helps.
In friendship,
Terra
March 7, 2014
 You can do it. Just yank. It’s official. We’re now all so connection addicted we need a National Unplug Day (March 7-8) to remind us that life is not virtual. I’m thrilled because I know the difference a (national) day makes. What paltry lives we’d live were it not for:
- National Beer Can Appreciation Day (Jan 24)
- National Lost Sock Memorial Day (May 9)
- National Be Bald and Be Free Day (Oct 14)
Or the one I just declared: National Control Your Destructive Emotions When Your Dog Has Eaten Your Favorite Gloves for the SECOND Time Day!!! (March 1)
Breathing….. ahhhh….. I think I’m OK now.
I am unplugging at sundown this evening through sundown mañana. Join me. Be prepared for push-back from your family (especially tweens and teens). But you know, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Any amount of unplugged time you commit to, as a family, benefits the family. (Sleeping doesn’t count.) Unplugging creates unique non-digital opportunities for your family to:
Look into each other’s eyes– Unplugging clears our vision and helps us see and understand our children and partners. Understanding often leads to empathy and love. Or it may lead to confusion and frustration which can be resolved with a family meeting. (Another great use of unplugged time.)
Have fun together – Remember face-to-face laughter? How good it feels to enjoy each other’s company? This doesn’t happen with a screen between us. Get creative. Use your imagination. Model what that looks like and encourage your children to use theirs. Be inspired by what this 11 year old did with cardboard! Be together, as a family, without a keyboard. Let loose and laugh.
Problem solve together – In the next 24 hours how about playing a strategy game? Or brainstorm and work together on that back-burnered home improvement project? With music and a team spirit, even painting a room or clearing out closets can be fun! (Don’t forget to donate the discarded toys and clothes.)
 There is fungus among us and it’s beautiful! Get out in nature – When was the last time you and the kids took a walk, a hike, a bike ride together? How about getting out there and exploring the real world this weekend? Last time I looked, it’s still pretty awesome… and all 3D rendered!
Get to know each other – Our teens are rapidly morphing into adult versions of themselves. Not always easy for them or us. Disconnecting from technology helps us connect with our children so they get more of our love, support and guidance. They need this time with us. We do to.
Ready. Set. Unplug! Have fun and let me know how it goes.
November 24, 2012
I just got an(other) email from a teen being tormented by rumors. This stuff makes me angry and frustrated and sad. I have a pretty clear sense of how it makes the kids who’ve been targeted feel…. in a word, powerless! And while it’s true no one has the power to un-do a rumor that’s out there, if you or someone you know is suffering from the damage of a rumor, please read on. You are not powerless.
 Why are they spreading these lies? Hey Terra,
There are people spreading rumours at my school saying I had sex with my boyfriend behind the building. I don’t know how it started, and it’s not true! This is horrible and it’s hurting me and my boyfriend a lot! I am getting many harsh words and looks from people I don’t even know 🙁 What am I supposed to do ? Help me please!!!!!!
Lost and Hurting
Dear Lost and Hurting,
I’m really sorry people are being cruel to you and to your boyfriend. People who spread hurtful lies lack self-confidence and compassion. What can you do about what they’re saying? Well, unfortunately, you can’t un-do the rumor. It’s out there. You also can’t un-do any assumptions people have made about you and your boyfriend. What you CAN do is:
- Hold on to your self-respect.
- Hold your head high because you know that you’ve done nothing to be ashamed of.
- Try not to let them upset you with their “harsh words and looks.” I know that’s not always easy, but you impress me as a girl who is strong and self-confident, so work on staying in control of your emotions.
- Do not talk to anyone about the rumors or about the people who are spreading them. That would only increase the “warfare.” It’s not helpful. Don’t go there.
- If someone says something to you, look them in the eye and simply and calmly say, “That’s not true.” No yelling. No trying to convince anyone of anything. Just state the fact: “That’s not true.” Then end your part of the conversation.
Hopefully this “social garbage” (which is exactly what rumors are) will fade away soon. Your real friends will stick with you. If this garbage doesn’t fade away and you continue to be harassed, please talk with the school counselor and/or your parents.
I hope this helps.
Oh, and read this blog of mine about teen rumors.
In friendship,
Terra
She wrote right back:
Thank you so much Terra!!!! I’m really grateful! 🙂
Then so did I:
I’m glad to know that I’ve helped in some way. Enjoy the rest of your holiday weekend. And on Sunday night, re-read my email, especially the things you CAN do, so if the garbage rumors continue on Monday, you’ll know how to take care of yourself.
In friendship,
Terra
Ninety-nine percent of the time I get email about rumors, it’s from the person being victimized. But that’s just one side of the story, isn’t it? We all know that rumors go nowhere without many willing mouths (and fingers) to spread them. If you’ve spread a hurtful rumor, (whether you started it or not) and you now regret the pain you caused, that’s a good place to start thinking about rumors and all of this stuff. You can’t un-do what you did, but you’re not powerless. You can still make things better. Got some ideas how?
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