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December 10, 2012
by Jessica Oh, 16 year old high school student.
This personal essay, by Jessica Oh, was submitted to my teen website TheInSite.org. If you’ve got some expressive writing you’d like to share, fiction, or non-fiction, poetry or whatever, please send it in, I’d love to read it! And maybe your words will get featured on my site.
 Got that right! There she was standing alone in the corner while everyone talked among themselves. She was not loquacious enough to fit in. All she heard was rambling going through one ear to the other. Petrified she was, she finally decided to smile at a little girl from across the room. However, the little girl made her feel alienated. She got glares from every inch around the room when the teacher introduced her. It was such a different view coming from another country. Hearing the different language soak into her brain, she was frightened. The room was filled with little kids running around enjoying themselves, excluding her. She just wanted fit in, she just wanted someone to talk to, and she just wanted a friend. Even though she would probably not understand one single word that came out of their mouths, she would casually act along. However, who would want to be friends with a girl who came from another country with no sense of their language or their culture?
Her life was perfect as it was until a trembling announcement was made by her parents, “We are moving!” She feared this day would come but tried as hard as she could to make it go away. When they made the announcement, it hit her like a bee sting. Right there and then, she knew her whole life would collapse right in front of her. The solid ground that was the foundation of her life was shaking and the buildings were crumbling. Her heart was torn apart, she was devastated. She never knew what it felt like to be betrayed and depressed. Not only was she moving to a new house but moving to a new school, new country, and new everything. She was moving half way around the globe and her parents expected her to be fine? Tears fell from her left cheek and then her right. She would have to make new memories and her old memories would be long gone. She thought, ‘but what can I do that can change their mind?’ However, she had to face the fact that there was nothing, absolutely nothing she could do to alter their mind. She sluggishly packed her belongings and took whatever she could but had to leave the memories behind.
Read the rest of what happened to Jessica as she faced the challenges of being a stranger in a strange land…
December 1, 2012
David and I work at home. We’re in the house a lot. In our offices. In our minds. Ensnared deep within the inter webs. That’s why I sometime feel an intense need to break out of IN for some quality time OUT… way out.
Today the need was great. It’s been raining… a lot. But David and I had a window between 1- 3 pm to escape before the next edition of the Pineapple Express (aka atmospheric river) slammed into San Anselmo. So we laced up our hiking boots and headed for the hills. A five mile drive brought us to the Pine Mountain Road trailhead, a 1.5 mile hike brought us to Carson Falls. Here’s what awaited us…
 Is this Middle Earth?  Trees blanketed in moss  Carson Falls, putting on a show  Impressive from any angle  C'mon, admit it. This is cool! It was a great Saturday adventure. And the rain kept its word by not starting up again until after we came home. Which, by the way, feels like the perfect place to be right now. See, it’s not that I don’t enjoy being inside. It’s just that sometimes we have to unplug and get out.
November 27, 2012
I originally wrote this article for TakePart.com where I write a weekly education post. Check out the rest of my articles there.
 Get the message? Got it? Good! Whenever I communicate from a school stage or from my computer, I tell students that our choices should reflect the kind of people we really are. Most of us are good people who care about others. We have a strong sense of fairness. We like to be helpful. We try to understand the other person’s point of view.
Very few of us are truly “mean.” And yet, we often exhibit downright mean behavior (online and off). Whenever I get the chance, I challenge students to think about why that’s the case. I also challenge them to stand up for what’s right, acknowledging that it’s not always easy, especially when no one is standing with you.
Most kids older than the age of five, really do know the difference between right and wrong. But they don’t always do the right thing. Our 21st-century culture of cruelty coupled with a sense of entitlement has taught kids (and many adults) that looking out for anyone but themselves is a sign of weakness.
More: What Every Parent Should Know: How to Help Your Kids Deal With Peer Conflicts at School
Going out of one’s way to be nice to a popular kid, however, will likely earn a student some popularity points of his/her own. But being kind to an “underdog,” especially when popular kids are watching, well, that can be a high-risk move. So can turning down a demand from another student to copy from one’s test paper or refusing to cheat in other ways. And so, kids may feel stuck between their natural inclinations to do the right thing vs. doing whatever it takes to be liked or to get ahead.
We’ve taken a tunnel vision approach to school for long enough, with most of our resources going toward test taking. What’s the point of education without a focus on improving one’s character? Parents and teachers need to make a concerted effort to help students develop the social courage it takes to stand up and be moral leaders. How? Well, here’s an excerpt from my book Teaching Kids to Be Good People, that shows a simple way for us to begin lessons in social courage.
Share this quote with students: “The time is always right to do what is right.” — Martin Luther King, Jr.
Ask, “What do you think about this? Is it true? Too simplistic?”
Talk about a time when you or someone else was being treated unfairly and you stepped up and did the right thing. What happened?
Talk about a time when you didn’t help promote respect, peace, and fairness. What held you back?
Create a challenge to increase acts of social courage. You’ll need paper strips (11 x 2 inches), tape, and a pen.
- Think about a time you stepped up and did the right thing when someone needed a friend or a message of peace. Write a sentence about what you did on a strip of paper and sign your name.
- Connect your strip with someone else’s and create “links” using tape.
- Got more than one act of social courage? Make another link!
Each day keep adding to the chain by actively looking for opportunities to be “brave” in situations where someone needs to do the right thing. As a group, talk about any positive changes you notice in yourself, your family, your school.
November 24, 2012
I just got an(other) email from a teen being tormented by rumors. This stuff makes me angry and frustrated and sad. I have a pretty clear sense of how it makes the kids who’ve been targeted feel…. in a word, powerless! And while it’s true no one has the power to un-do a rumor that’s out there, if you or someone you know is suffering from the damage of a rumor, please read on. You are not powerless.
 Why are they spreading these lies? Hey Terra,
There are people spreading rumours at my school saying I had sex with my boyfriend behind the building. I don’t know how it started, and it’s not true! This is horrible and it’s hurting me and my boyfriend a lot! I am getting many harsh words and looks from people I don’t even know 🙁 What am I supposed to do ? Help me please!!!!!!
Lost and Hurting
Dear Lost and Hurting,
I’m really sorry people are being cruel to you and to your boyfriend. People who spread hurtful lies lack self-confidence and compassion. What can you do about what they’re saying? Well, unfortunately, you can’t un-do the rumor. It’s out there. You also can’t un-do any assumptions people have made about you and your boyfriend. What you CAN do is:
- Hold on to your self-respect.
- Hold your head high because you know that you’ve done nothing to be ashamed of.
- Try not to let them upset you with their “harsh words and looks.” I know that’s not always easy, but you impress me as a girl who is strong and self-confident, so work on staying in control of your emotions.
- Do not talk to anyone about the rumors or about the people who are spreading them. That would only increase the “warfare.” It’s not helpful. Don’t go there.
- If someone says something to you, look them in the eye and simply and calmly say, “That’s not true.” No yelling. No trying to convince anyone of anything. Just state the fact: “That’s not true.” Then end your part of the conversation.
Hopefully this “social garbage” (which is exactly what rumors are) will fade away soon. Your real friends will stick with you. If this garbage doesn’t fade away and you continue to be harassed, please talk with the school counselor and/or your parents.
I hope this helps.
Oh, and read this blog of mine about teen rumors.
In friendship,
Terra
She wrote right back:
Thank you so much Terra!!!! I’m really grateful! 🙂
Then so did I:
I’m glad to know that I’ve helped in some way. Enjoy the rest of your holiday weekend. And on Sunday night, re-read my email, especially the things you CAN do, so if the garbage rumors continue on Monday, you’ll know how to take care of yourself.
In friendship,
Terra
Ninety-nine percent of the time I get email about rumors, it’s from the person being victimized. But that’s just one side of the story, isn’t it? We all know that rumors go nowhere without many willing mouths (and fingers) to spread them. If you’ve spread a hurtful rumor, (whether you started it or not) and you now regret the pain you caused, that’s a good place to start thinking about rumors and all of this stuff. You can’t un-do what you did, but you’re not powerless. You can still make things better. Got some ideas how?
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