Annie Fox's Blog...

Thoughts about teens, tweens, parenting and this adventure of living on Earth in the 21st century.

Annie Fox, M.Ed., is an internationally respected parenting expert, award-winning author, and a trusted online adviser for tweens and teens.

For Parents: Why Let The Facts Get in The Way?

September 19, 2008

We seem to be living in a time when only fools admire honesty and only naives are outraged when leaders cheat their way to the top and continue lying and cheating to maintain their power. I ought to know because I’m outraged all the time by what I read in the news. And the fact that I still believe that people in leadership positions ought to behave better… well, if that doesn’t prove that I’m both foolish and very naïve, nothing will.

Dishonestly rules, even when the prize is a few extra points on a math test. We’ve all heard of middle and high school students caught with test answers on their cell phones. Maybe you’ve also heard of parents who push back against school authority rather than use their child’s poor judgment as a teachable moment. Perhaps these same parents are the ones who, in the privacy of their homes, berate their kids – not for cheating, but for being careless enough to get caught!

We’ve got pitifully few examples of honesty in our elected officials. In fact, says Michael X. Delli Carpini, an authority on political ads at the University of Pennsylvania’s Annenberg School for Communication “… in the last two election cycles, the very notion that the facts matter seems to be under assault.” He goes on to say, “Candidates and their consultants seem to have learned that as long as you don’t back down from your charges or claims, they will stick in the minds of voters regardless of their accuracy or at a minimum, what the truth is will remain murky, a matter of opinion rather than fact.”

Is cheating, lying, and maligning your opponent the only way to “win” these days? If you choose not to go that route are you sap and, inevitably, a loser? Will the history books record your participation with a footnote, “An honest but failed attempt.”

Several years ago I worked for a company that produced after school enrichment curriculum. As part of my duties I spent time at conference exhibit halls displaying product and answering questions for the attendees, all of whom were educators… people who work with kids day in and day out. At the end of one long weekend, I packed up and discovered that several of our books had been stolen right from our booth. I remember the phrase spinning in my head, “They stole the books?! But they’re teachers! Teachers don’t steal!”

Surprise! Turns out some teachers do. Just as do many other adults who, in one way or another, seem to succeed very well thank you, by using a different moral compass than the rest of us foolish naives.

What in the world are we teaching our children about the value of speaking the truth and being trustworthy? Your thoughts?

P.S. I hope your daughters and sons have gotten off to a strong start this school year. If any of you are interested in giving the gift of self-confidence to a middle schooler in your life … Check out my new book series, Middle School Confidential™

P.P.S. You can now subscribe to this blog and receive an email notification every time I post a new entry:

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For Parents: You Have To Be Taught

August 29, 2008

Last night 10 neighbors came over to watch Obama’s acceptance speech with me and David. It was easily 95 outside and we don’t have A/C, but no one in our packed TV room noticed because we were witnessing something so very cool. Even cooler was the fact that yesterday was the 45th anniversary of Martin Luther King, Jr’s “I have a Dream” speech.

I don’t care which side of the river you pitch your tent on, you’ve got to admit that Obama’s nomination represents an awesome achievement for America. Unless of course, you don’t think so.

A few days ago I read about a bunch of racist drug addicts arrested in a Denver hotel during a methamphetamine soiree. Apparently one of the female revelers called police when she became disturbed by the direction of the party conversation. To give you an idea, here’s what one of the guys told police after he’d been taken into custody “Black people don’t belong in public office. He ought to be shot.” They were booked on drug and weapons charges, but not for plotting an assassination, though apparently the case is still under investigation.  As the U.S. Attorney put it on Wednesday, “People do lots of stupid things on meth.” Yep.

So, it might just be a case of some guys being very high and exceedingly ignorant, neither of which is a crime in this country. But you can’t blame the law for being pro-active. Because it’s not always easy to tell the difference between your garden-variety racist drug addict and a dedicated assassin. And since Barack Obama is well… black… you can understand how that kind of talk might make the police a tad nervous. Unless, of course you can’t.

Whenever I read about or witness people being rude or bigoted, I can’t help but wonder, “Where did they learn this stuff?” It’s one of those trick questions I often ask myself. Not much of a trick, actually, because I always think I know the answer… their parents.

There’s a song from South Pacific that examines the perpetuation of racial intolerance… no it’s not “I’m Gonna Wash that Man Right Outta My Hair.” (Sorry, Team A. Team B, what’s your guess?) That’s right! The song is, “You’ve Got to be Carefully Taught.” by Rogers and Hammerstein. They’re the same folks who brought “Oh, What a Beautiful Morning” and “This was a Real Nice Clam Bake.” But with “Carefully Taught,” they were operating on a whole other level. Considering that the song was written in 1949, left in the show despite pressure from producers, plus the fact that its message is still spot-on today makes it all the more admirable.

Anyway, here are the lyrics (and if you want to follow along while Matthew Morrison and Paulo Szot sing it, in the 2008 Broadway production):

You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear

You’ve got to be taught from year to year

It’s got to be drummed in your dear little ear

You’ve got to be carefully taught

 

You’ve got to be taught to be afraid

Of people whose eyes are oddly made,

And people whose skin is a diff’rent shade,

You’ve got to be carefully taught.

 

You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late

Before you are six or seven or eight

To hate all the people your relatives hate

You’ve got to be carefully taught.

 

So, just curious, what was the take-away lesson you got from your parents when it came to how to treat people who are different from you? In what ways are you transmitting the same or different messages to your kids?

Happy Labor Day Weekend!

In friendship,

Annie

Filed under: Parenting,Politics — Tags: , , , — Annie @ 1:22 pm
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